Comments : Your Phoney Beauty

  • 1 year ago

    by ether

    This is really beautiful, and quite mysterious. It has me wondering what happened to this person's knees. until the end of the poem when I realised that the knee bleeding (i think) is a metaphor for their beauty and how it is slowly dripping out of their being, even though you've been trying to help them retain the beauty via lending them your handkerchief. And by colouring your handkerchief pink it implies you were trying to stop their blood/beauty leaving via patching it up with love. However, because that person did not seek or find you, their knee kept bleeding and their beauty eventually faded to the point where you didn't feel attraction to them anymore.

    A really deep metaphor for someone who is only 16! I had a look at your profile to find out your age.

    The form of this poem I also really enjoyed - I'm a huge fan of free-form poetry and the layout of this poem worked perfectly with the content.

    Well done! 5/5

    • 1 year ago

      by Shruti

      Thank you very much!
      I'm glad that you liked it.
      :)

  • 1 year ago

    by nancy

    Sharodi I thought dat it was 4 ur ex best friend.......I mean seriously it's sumwat related to me??????
    Any ways his work and keep penning.

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This really is a very moving and nostalgic piece of writing that I actually found quite chilling. It is beautifully written, especially for one so young.
    Keep up the good work; your poetry gets better and better.

    All the best,

    Ben

  • 11 months ago

    by Em

    Wow. I am shocked at your age especially with writing something so meaningful and thought provoking.

    I like how you use childhood games within the piece to mask something child like when in all honesty it isn't. This piece shows (I feel) that in your short life you have loved and been hurt. I do believe though that Ether is correct and the bleeding of knees is for beauty and attraction being lost but also, love.
    What an inspirational piece or free verse.

    Em

    • 11 months ago

      by Shruti

      You are absolutely correct. Thank you.
      :)

  • 8 months ago

    by Mahesh Kachare

    It is the best poem.

    • 8 months ago

      by Shruti

      Thank you.

  • 7 months ago

    by Wayne Gates

    You write in a way that creates a movie in my mind. I read it without seeing words. Only the sweet drama of the journey you took me through. Very talented.

    • 7 months ago

      by Shruti

      Thank you :).