Maybe You Feed People Cucumbers

by Avrii Monrielle   Feb 2, 2017

Maybe you feeding them vegetables
Makes them dumber
Maybe you tucking them into bed at night
Makes them fatter

I didn't dye my hair for a long time, as did I not cut it
I changed my clothing style
I listened when you reiterated people's opinions on my body image

I put aside art and photography and music
To go bike with you and cook with you
And clean and watch TV
Things that don't give me nearly as much pleasure
As I listened to you try to tell me to change my art subject to something un-Hip

Maybe I am cold
Maybe you are warm
Maybe you are cold
Maybe I am warm

I hear you sing music
But you won't listen to mine
I can't memorize your lyrics
As you dance to a manic heartbeat
I feel little
Very little

And I know I am chipped away

I want to grow with you in a healthy way
This is not healthy
This is me replacing my molecules with other ones and claiming them
As my own
I want us to be a medley
Not a conformation

I confirm I love you
I just need you
To know
It's not my clothing size
It's not how long it takes to bear child or emotion
It's not the color of my hair or the tone of my skin or my weight

I am falling apart
Because I am wondering
What is happening to me
In giving space for you
Where is me...


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