Comments : Hurdle

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    A prayer, a plea, honest words from the heart. I just have a few suggestions here which of course are simply my opinions:

    "All route gives same direction,"
    - Consider re-reading. To me, it would sound better like:

    "All routes give the same direction"

    Also, with "but don't want to go". Are you speaking about yourself being afraid and not wanting to pursue that path, or speaking about the routes? I would suggest cleaning up the meaning a bit.

    My main suggestion would be to not feel the need to place a comma after EVERY line. You could mix it up like this:

    "Sometimes we can't understand our ways -
    all routes give the same direction,
    but I don't want to go
    for I feel afraid.
    I have only one prayer:
    God, please help.
    I need help."

    I feel the brevity is powerful and emotive, yet I think you could add a few words for better meaning and understanding, as well as different types of punctuation.

    Take care!