How you make me feel

by Jenny Paradise   Aug 8, 2017


Tonight you hurt my feelings but you don't care,
You made me cry but to that you're unaware,

Cause I'll no longer let you see me cry,
So you can brush it off and have me wondering why,

Or how at times you can be so mean,
And not a single feeling of remorse can be seen,

All the things that girl explained on that show,
Are what I'm feeling lately and I think you should know.

That I'm constantly clinching my fists,
Fighting the urge to slit my wrists,

And end it all so I'm no longer an issue,
Maybe a couple people will be wiping their tears with a tissue,

I'm just tired of feeling this black hole inside me,
If I was dead maybe I might feel more free,

Or maybe I'll feel nothing at all,
But you'll probably feel relief when you get the call,

Who knows you might not even come to my funeral and that's fine,
Cause I wouldn't want you standing over me with your fake whine,

I wonder if you feel good about me wanting to die,
Knowing you're the reason I want to tell the world goodbye,

That should make someone feel horrible inside,
Leaving a gaping hole in their heart a mile wide,

Who knows maybe I'll do it one day while you're at work,
Then you'll wake up and see just how bad by you I've been hurt.

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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    Hi Jenny,

    This for me was your strongest piece (that I've so far read). Again, there is that issue of line lengths, but I think in a lot of cases, it's just a matter of a word or two in or out, like:
    "Cause I'll no longer let you see me cry,"
    could be:
    Cause I'll no longer dare to let you see me cry,
    and:
    "Or how at times you can be so mean,"
    Could perhaps be:
    Or how at times you can be so monumentally mean,

    I think your use of language in this piece was much more intriguing, though. And actually, it occurs to me now that perhaps it was your theme that I picked up on before in 'Sundays' and 'My Very Last Days'. You were writing about love. About being in love. Love is the force that is responsible for so much in this world: war, piece, sacrifice, anything creative, etc, and we are all propelled by it, but it is supremely complex. I've found in my experience, that writing love poems are the most difficult by far to get right, because it's easy to end up writing sappy, head-in-the-cloud pieces. I think perhaps that's why this piece seems so much stronger than the other two.

    I personally, have noticed - or should I say believe - that your poems seem to start stronger than they finish. They seem to lose focus as well as frame. That being said, my favourite stanaza was the one second from the last:
    "That should make someone feel horrible inside,
    Leaving a gaping hole in their heart a mile wide,"
    First off, 'gaping'. Great word. Secondly, it's simple, but in a very in different way. There is a depth to the content, but a simplicity to the wording. A an exceedingly good couplet, and in fact, in all honesty, my favourite two lines of all three of your pieces.

  • 6 years ago

    by Lucifer

    Life's a gift and so are your poems to your readers.

  • 6 years ago

    by CJ Maleney

    This is a harrowing thing to read.

    If this is still the situation, remember you have legs. They are pretty good at that walking thing.

    Craig

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