Welcome to the site.

While I cannot pretend to believe this is the answer, I do certainly understand the need, and I also know that the pain brings a kind of relief. I myself have always suffered a little from depression and have never needed to cut myself to cope, but everyone has there own way of doing things and whatever it takes to get through the day, as they say.
I hope that you are able to live without this need one day and I believe you will but until then, I am sorry that you feel so bad.

Take care and all the best,

Ben

This hits very deep for me and you’ve framed in words so clearly it really takes me back. If you want a more satisfying outlet I suggest getting outside and running to let your brain mull over it which may give you a clearer head later. If the thoughts get really bad break into a rage sprint and then break down in tears at the end of it if you need to. You’d be surprised how well your mind can deal with itself when your body is already preoccupied. It may not work for you, and if not keep writing because your writing is great and will help you understand yourself better.

Hi Jess, welcome back.

All the best.

P.s. I hope this poem is an older one.