Still Searching

At one time, I actually believed I was happy.
What a lie?! Woke up, turned around and she slapped me.
Abusive, why? Hurt me, why?
Dreams were for living, life was to die.
Tears of blood running down my face.
A disgrace, I'd been captured in this rat race.
There was no escape except in my dreams.
But when I awakened, I woke up to screams.
Screams of terror, screams of hate.
Beaten and bruised, my heart on a plate.
I just denied it and tried to sleep.
Counting so slowly, one, two, three sheep.
But with every jump that each sheep took,
Came thunderous wrath, opened my eyes to look.
And there she was, hovering above me.
Ready to strike, menacingly.
Frightened I was, hit me again.
So much pain in love, my girlfriend.
I cried and cried, covered my eyes.
How could she love me and yet despise?
It made no sense, and sense was unknown.
By my bruised heart, senselessness was shown.
I wanted to stay, couldn't bare to stay.
I had to stay, needed to get away.
Mixed emotions, flow of the ocean.
Who could have foreseen all this commotion?
It was my choice, it was my heart.
My heart was dead, shredded apart.
My mind, stupidity flustered my mind.
Changing decisions time after time.
What to do, what to say,
More hurt and pain came with every day.
One year and a half, I loved her so,
But it was time to let this love go.
We had our run, it had been fun,
I really thought I had found the one.
But I was wrong, time to move on.
My heart was an artist, that of a con.
I said goodbye to her, and goodbye to love.
Still searching for my angel sent from above.