well i understand ur point of view, but it seems a little choppy. i can't tell which stanza its which, and i can't tell what parts are supposed to rhyme. it was a good part, but you need to work a little on formatting
If you really want the truth, I must admit that I didn't really like the poem because the flow is so choppy. I got lost several times and had to re-read it quite a few times. But, the idea is still very good, though the poem needs work. Work on the lines, because some are so much longer than the others. Maybe even divide the poem up, that would help. Over all, the poem was okay, but it needs more work. Keep writing, you have some great ideas!