First of many

I was driving away
driving fast
getting away
away from front steps
and windows and their views of
the backs of your parents' heads.

And I turned on the radio.
I remembered when you begged it for
"happy music, please"
and in my head I intoned the same,
needing distraction so badly.

But it was some guy with long hair
whining about goodbyes
and that's just one word
that I don't need to hear again.

Guess what -
I listened anyway.
I always do that to myself.

Like today when I was all alone
and I just sat in complete awe that
I actually love you.

I tried to think of
all the reasons why but
they were taking too long to list
so I spent the rest of the day sleeping
because I didn't really feel so good
and maybe that was because
I finally figured it out and now
I can't tell you.