Such a good poem babe!! this is excatly what happened with my ex we broke up because of his jealousy and then he texted me saying i love u now i dont no what to do :( but very good still write more!!! xxxxxx
Okay well.. it reminded me much of a diary. You act like its a new day every few paragraphs. Just a little awkward, but I can deeply relate and I see where you are coming from. All relatinships seem like that. Great at first and thenthey slowly fall apart when you get more comfortable together. If you are still uncomfortable around eachother things are always great. Meh I hate how that works. anwayz, I think you got a little caried away and just went on a little to much in this one.
"When I see you
I blush a crimson red
And when you speak
Everything flutters through my head"
this is my favorite stanza. Of coarse i always have a favorite. I like this. It really kinda inspired me in a way.
Also just to say soemthing lol this remided me of the song "everywhere" by michelle branch at the beginning lol im not sure if you are familliar with it but if you are great lol, uhh i hae to go im gonna get in trouvle for being on late. Comment more tomarow if i have time buh byes
Wonderful write with so much emotion. There are a lot of minor mistakes, I encourage you to re-read your writings for most of them have small errors within. Other than that, this was an amazing write with such heartfelt wording. Great Job.
These lines, "Your everywhere to me" and "But your everything I want to see" and "Your always so happy" you used the wrong "your" it should be "you're"
This line, "I hear your voice and your not there" should be, "I hear your voice and you're not there"
These lines, "And now were together" and "Now were having problems" and "Now were here talking" you used the wrong "were" it should be "we're" for were is a place, and we're means we are.
In this line, "Every thing's going great" the words "Every thing's" should be combined to make one word "Everything's"
This line, "Is so great and so true" I felt would rhyme better if you changed it to this, "Is so great and true"
This line, "Sitting her hand in hand" I don't think you meant "her" I believe you meant to use the word "here"
This line, "This love of ours wont end" you need an apostraphy on the "wont" so it reads "won't"
This line, "But for me it's a hard task" I believe you meant, "But for me it's a hard to ask"