The world is changing, no more chasing dreams
no morals or self esteem
love for material things
the mind is da gun, but they say the mouth is the killer
saying disgraceful things as a everyday thriller
kids 11 years old are hustling drug dealers
10 years later, dead or in jail and nobody feels em
out to get the paper, in escape of their past
blind the hardships-disposed tears that they had....
we always complaining
instead of being grateful and obtaining
the world is changing and "we" are tomorrow
if we keep continuing this cycle den its nothing but sorrow
destruction is coming we must make a change
but you donâ€™t have to be American gangstahs for them to remember ya name"
I love this poem n its concept, but some minor grammer changes would be recommended:
'the mind is da gun'- 'the' instead
'nobody feels em'- 'them' instead.
'we always complaining'- 'we're' instead.
'den its nothing'- 'then' instead.
'but you donÃ¢ï¿½ï¿½t have to' - the word 'but' doesn't have to be there and 'don't' instead.
i know you've tried using slang like 'da' and 'em' but this softens the concept, which is actually really strong.
the poem is overall very well put together and i like your choice of words but overall i love the meaning, it is all the truth. sorry if i annoyed you!
nuff luv x