Comments : The worlds f**ked up!

  • 10 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    I love this poem n its concept, but some minor grammer changes would be recommended:

    'the mind is da gun'- 'the' instead
    'nobody feels em'- 'them' instead.
    'we always complaining'- 'we're' instead.
    'den its nothing'- 'then' instead.
    'but you don�t have to' - the word 'but' doesn't have to be there and 'don't' instead.

    i know you've tried using slang like 'da' and 'em' but this softens the concept, which is actually really strong.
    the poem is overall very well put together and i like your choice of words but overall i love the meaning, it is all the truth. sorry if i annoyed you!
    nuff luv x

  • 10 years ago

    by KemistryKia

    That is real hot! you real and true, loves it

  • 10 years ago

    by Rayarra Jones

    I really liked your poem becuz its so true. The world is a terrible place but its not jus gonna change itself. Its up to us to do something about it.
    Much Luv
    Rj

  • 10 years ago

    by PoeticJustice

    Damnnnn. that was sick. its some real talk. i loved every word. 5/5 and on my favs for real.