A sense of helplessness all around
Thick aroma of blood in the air
People lie fatally injured on the ground
Blood and sweat have matted my hair
^^Excellent work!...great great choice of words..
Vivid clear description...And the topic chosen is amazing
Very good write!
Kp it up!
It's describe our world now...
Line by line...
Innocent people and good people died...
Parents leave her child alone in this world...
I can feel the bad impact of the war by reading this... ^^
Excellent , great poem...
WOW this poem makes me wanna cry my favorite part was: "Eyes dart rapidly in every direction
Trying to make sense of this horror
Fear is slowly crushing my soul
Wondering if I'll be here tomorrow" that is so true to me because you dont know if you will be here tommarow n i just love the way you put that into words! Great job..5/5
So many lives have been lost
More families lose someone they love
So many champions and heroes
Being claimed from up above
it was really expressed ur words for this part, and i can deeply understand all the words its totally well written.. there are some lines really toucy my heart. and i think this is one of ur best! the rhyming was really pretty good and great structures. just keep in up and u deserve to give u an over all 5/5
Everyone is in a world of pain
How can some people be so cruel
To treat life as some kind of game?
well before saying anything i just want to say you that you have alot of talent. your poem was nisely panned. and understandable. the meaning and emotions and the figure you wanted to put in that poem was clear. i lve your poem you can do very well in writing. hopeto see you again take care 5/5
Your first stanza was... cliched.
I'm sorry, dearest.
It's definitely not what I expected from a platinum awarded person :[
Your second stanza?
Your last line doesn't really flow that well.
Maybe you could change it into something like
"As blood and sweat mat my hair"
Your last line didn't flow well, either.
Maybe because it hade "so" in there.
I never liked that word.
Fourth and fifth were okay.
It wasn't great.
I loved it :]
I have to congrats you, my dear.
It was a slow beginning the rest was okay.
I didn't think it would be, though.
I thought it would've fallen for ciched.
You descriptions were wonderful.
I could feel, see, and hear.
I don't quite understand it, though.
When am I ever going to see this?
I don't know...
Maybe I'm the only one.
I'm going to give you a 4/5
So I guess I won't vote because you've got a perfect score. =[
This is such a fantastic poem with such great meaning, the flow is good and the word choice is as well. I loved the last stanza especially because the words are so very true, I don't understand why we fight wars and waste so many young and innocent lives when it's never going to get any better. Fantastic job 5/5