Comments : The Red Shift of Distant Lights - 1. Seeking

  • 10 years ago

    by kongie vangie

    I like your poetry so different from the rest...

  • 7 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Sir Larry...I have to admit this one was different and wise.

    We live in an expanding universe.
    But we each reside in a shrinking world.
    - - -

    This opening was really refreshing, though I have one minor issue, I disliked how you capitalized the first letters like "B" in "But" and how you put full stops instead of commas, for my part, I actually used to put too much full stops and commas and semi's and I don't know what, but Nana taught me lol to stop this :) and she was right.
    Now let's go back to the meaning, I LOVED how you incorporated the two words "universe" and "world" because we all think they are the same, but actually they aren't! :)
    And I loved the truth of your words, well-done, Sir.

    The red shift of distant lights
    Proves our reach will ever exceed our grasp,
    Yet hearing the whisper of butterfly wings
    In distant climes makes suburban Quasars
    A stone-fall from our backyard fence.
    - - -

    I truly like this part!
    I loved the butterfly wings and the whisper part the most, it was really well-expressive, and again I had the same problem with the capitalization and punctuation but mind me not, if I'm mistaken, it is only my opinion. :)

    Galaxies recede, Dust Clouds thin & clear;
    The Forest resolves into a plain of trees,
    In the midst of which burns a solitary bush.
    "God speaks to us through numinous agents."
    (Mircea's Truth enfolds religions of the world).
    - - -

    Well, I totally adore the forth line, really, it was full of wisdom, I don't know if it was an insertion or maybe you wrote it but I just loved it so much, it was true.
    I have one suggestion as well:

    & = and. :)

    I remember the check-points throughout my life:
    Impossible coincidences -
    & I the one who asserts:
    "There is no such thing as coincidence."
    But these triple-synched happenstances,
    Each evoked that gut-pull knowledge:
    "Yes, I'm on-course! . . . Whatever that means."
    - - -

    This part was a little bit myserious, I didn't really grasp the meaning of it, however I liked the "Impossible coincidences" very much, a smart expression! :)
    and I'd tell you to remove the spaces between the '...' :)

    "There is no direct link from God to man."
    I'm with you there: the numinous is Manifest.
    I never understood why my friends had such trouble
    Accepting this proposition - at least as hypothesis.
    - - -

    Here, I can read lots of wisdom and information, Sir Larry, you mastered!
    It should be my favorite stanza of the whole poem.

    "God doesn't speak to you in your prayers"
    That's what the priest told me:
    So, you hold the council wampum belt
    When you petition the lord with prayer.
    "This is a time when you speak to God & He listens.
    God speaks to you later - in ways you will understand."
    But not in ways you could ever expect, eh, Father?
    - - -

    Oh, I totally disagree with what the priest told ya! I'm not sure about the too much commas in the last line.
    Anyways, the ending speaks so much to me, was my favorite part No. 2 :) Five!

  • 6 years ago

    by Lee

    So many deeper meanings and so well worded. I really like this