The allegory is powerful. Whether or not it is religious it is layered.
"What chases me is not tangible but/ lingers in possibility after fate/ rings the church bells ..."
You so perfectly present the quandary: the "possibility" of what may come. The self-doubt that you portray comes from no lack of intent but realization that not all we do is predictable nor can we be smug about our future.
In one way this is a devout agnostic stance, not through refusal to accept, as Thomas, but in realization that pride goeth before us throughout our lives.

A very strong write.
The poet is awakened to the truth as he realizes his own worth:

"And I? I know must eventually
set my dreams on my own guts,
but for now,it bleeds too much
for my veins to run

without you."

Congrats on the win! I read this piece a couple of days ago. I am glad it won.

The torn structure
and the waking up in the last stanza with a "?"
is a well proof
of a torn heart
and true words

best regards

Mary has created a poem about relying on the strength, guidance and support from a greater power, in order to get you through the darkness. Now whether this greater power be a loved one, God, or something else which is a source of inspiration and fight, it does not matter. It is a poem which can be adapted into one's own life to fit their own situation/emotions. The ending is a truthful fact, in how we know we need to live a life for ourselves, to do things for our own benefit, but sometimes all we need is someone else there beside us, to believe in us, and for them to be the reason we fight through the darkness. A fantastic poem overall.