Advice Please?

So my grandfather is dying and has a bit of alzheimer's the doctor saids he will just get worse.Throughout his life he has done nothing good he treated my mother and my aunts and ungles like crap.Sometimes they would go hungry because he would spend the money on beer and smokes. everyone moved out when they turned 18.My mom is mad that hardly anyone cares in the family that he is dying my mother is just too nice if that makes any sense.I've told her many times I do not know why you even bother then she just tells me if my ex girlfriend's were dying would I go see them I would say no.Am I heartless for not going and seeing him?

I think there are a lot of what ifs in this scenario. When someone is on their death bed, it's sometimes easy to forgive, especially when it's your blood family. It's important to forgive, to let go of the pain yourself and not harbor it.

I don't think you're heartless personally. I know there are people in my family that I wouldn't want to go see, but would probably feel guilty if I didn't go. I would think about it from your moms perspective, she is losing her father. If anything, I would go to support her.

Death should bring those distant (physically & emotionally) together!

I think you should forgive the man, and I'm not saying this because he deserves it. I'm saying it because you deserve it. You don't deserve to be thinking about your grandfather in years to come, wishing you had forgiven him. You don't want to live with the hate. You don't want to live with the idea that you could have been the bigger person, and you chose not to be.

I'm a firm believer that forgiving is as much for those being forgiven as it is for those doing the forgiving.

I had similar situations where several relitives would complain about and even condem someone for certain life actions. In some cases I have had opportunity to see first hand and was completely mystified by how nice they were to me. A lot of pent up emotions and I not saying in your case but a lot of animosity perceived is a conditioning brought on by others.if this man has done nothing outstandingly bad to you or others I think I could forgive the smoking and beer. Sometimes that's not a hatred for someone but an addiction that's easily overlooked.
Also if a god fearing, god will forgive him his sins. (right? So why not you.
plus the fact that your mother is going, so why not you?

Agree with all, above. Forgiveness is bigger, just shows your bigger heart. Not forgiving is perhaps to some a "small" heart.

"I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him."
� C.S. Lewis

If for nothing else, to please your own mother, it is a must. She will respect and love you for that act of kindness alone.

Re: "So my grandfather is dying and has a bit of alzheimer's the doctor saids he will just get worse".

^When doctors say "a bit", that is often a polite way to confirm the diagnosis to the family. If he is dying of Alzheimer's, then he is truly advanced, and may not even remember your visit. So, all the more important to take care of this business, sooner than later. All the best.

I think you sound a bit heartless, forgiveness is very rare but its a wonderful quality to process. I respect your mother for being loving despite the way her father has treated her and her siblings in the past. My dad havent done a thing for me but I love him more than life itself. I forgave him and would love to have him in my life today.

I don't think you're heartless. Your feelings spring out of loyalty to your mother and other relatives. You shouldn't have to feel pressured to condone things he's done... but forgiveness doesn't mean that you say "don't worry, it was no big deal." You don't have to be fine with the actions, but I think it would be healthy to be at peace with the situation. Like others said, going to support your mother would be kind.

It's easy to say forgive but harder when you are in the situation and experience. I say Sibs is right here, I'd advise do whatever to support your mother, if that means going to see him or it means not going to see him, either way is fine.

As we are fond of saying in Scotland;

"You cannae pick yer family"

There is nothing written in stone to say you need to bust your balls trying to make everyone happy just because they are your family. I get you want to make your mother happy, and it might be you swallow your pride and make peace with the old one.

Blood might be thicker than water, but it also makes more of a mess.

I honestly dont think you are heartless, its honestly cos you have a heart in the first place that you can get mad or angry, honestly, i think a lot of people forget that if you aint got a heart, you cant even hate. But i also think there is a really beautiful thing called forgiveness, and honestly, i think its something that heals all wounds, i know its not so easy, but your mom is a really strong and awesome lady to do that, i dont think you would really feel that awesome if you guys dont forgive him b4 he dies, and trust me, i know its easier to let go if you do thar, cos anger and hate just eats us up. But for your question, NO, YOU AINT HEARTLESS, you do have a heart, and i think its a good one for you to be able to care enough to even post this up here

p.s: Goodluck.