Unexpected pain.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this except to get these thought out of my head.

My ex-boyfriend was part of the same dojo (a place where you study martial arts) as I was. He was an instructor and I was a lower rank. He was also 8.5 years older than me. Needless to say Our relationship was secretive. We had to drive 45 minutes to an Applebee's, instead of going to the one 5 minutes away from us. At group gatherings we couldn't be seen together. I couldn't hang out with him and his best friend, because his best friends daughter went to the dojo. And when I wasn't riding 45 minutes to a cheap restaurant I spend the time in his house, because he felt uncomfortable in my house. I couldn't even be facebook friends with him. I felt as if maybe I was some sort of disgrace. I tried really hard, but after a year and a half I broke up with him because He didn't understand that my education was first and I wouldn't be able to give him what he wanted when he wanted it (like kids and moving in).

It was a mature decision, and after I realized how much the relationship had hurt me more than helped me. I'm a much stronger and better person. But last night, while browsing facebook, I stumble upon his page, and on the cover is a picture of him kissing some girl. and before I knew it I was crying my eyes out. I was angry. I was JEALOUS! Of some girl. It shocked me. He had always been a private person in general. Used to tell me pictures took a part of his soul away. And here was this picture staring at me. I didn't expect it to hurt so much. I broke up with him. For good and solid reasons. It was right. But I still don't know why I died a little when I saw this picture. I started wondering if it was just me. Was I not good enough? Was he ashamed? I felt like all that time I was "in a relationship," I was just a petty caged animal.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Have any thoughts?

Are you sure you werent 'the other woman'? It seems pretty obvious here.

I'm sure he I wasn't. He was awful at lying, and more innocent than me when it came to relationships. The dojo we are part of is very traditional. In everyone's eyes, I would have been the student dating the teacher. Plus I got to know his family and went to their special events.

I totally understand how much this hurts. My first relationship was rather the same way. He didn't want his friends to know that we were dating, when he HAD to introduce me to someone he only said I was a friend that he knew, he'd only kiss or hold my hand when we were in his house alone, when we would be in the same place in public, or he'd be walking me home he'd never touch me, the one time I did grab his hand and insist on holding it in public...he kept looking around nervously like we might get caught and when he saw someone he thought he knew he dropped my hand and moved away. I let it go on for a while till finally I got angry and left him.

2 weeks later I saw him with some other girl, in public, his arm around her waist and introducing her as his new girlfriend. It hurt incredibly bad. I didn't come from a bad family or give him any reason to be ashamed of me, although I wondered a lot if he had been. I later found out that I had been tricked, had a right to feeling like I had been used and that he had been seeing another girl the whole time. *shrugs* I was 16 and didn't know better.

Sadly...it sounds like you fell into the same kind of situation. Hard as it is maybe he was seeing someone else as well and that would be the answer to a lot of your questions you're asking yourself. It wasn't you, it was him and clearly him not being willing to be honest with you hun. I sorry *hugs*