by Katherine Feb 9, 2008
category :
Love, romance /
desired love
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A bird is chirping |
by erin girl
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I agree with Letty, this is a beautiful concept, your on your way to creating a wonderful piece of writing. Using the birds kind of as a metaphore. Like when you said the love has already flown away. I really like it! |
by Letty
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This has a very beautiful concept, but it could use a little more depth added to it. You also need to tighten up the flow a bit.; but since you are a new member and/or beginning poet, I think you did good. I would consider this as being my first draft. After editing and of course adding punctuation, I'm sure this poem will be excellent. Good job and welcome to TOCC! I am kind of swamped right now with a few things, but when I have time I will send you out an official welcome message. |