What I got from it, is something, a life, a love, based on lies.
And even though you KNOW/KNEW they were lies,
and how it tore you up inside,
life will not get better, until you start BELIEVING them.

I like the title. it fits.
5/5

It does contradict itself, but you don't realize that until the final two lines of getting the light and tearing it down. I like the unique descriptions you have such as, "melodic lies" and, "finger painting " It does send intense chills but then there is the cliche parts such as the use of the word crimson and golde rays. It kind of contradicts each other from unique to average.

This probably isin't what your poem is about...

But the way it came through to me.

Is someone who has split perosonalitys,
it reminded me of a drug addict that lost her way.
in order to get rid of the pain she takes drugs, then ashamed of her do-ing she lets it out on herself,
But always falls back into temptation,

Also has the vibe comming off as a relationship that came off bad, and now is heartbroken,

Either way I liked it, Sometimes it's good when you don't know what your poem is about exactly.
I like this one because you can take the poem in your own way,

(honestly it reminded me of a friend I used to have)

So great job on creativity, flow and rhyming was good too,

I like how you kept it short too, Left more open space for the poem.

Anyways keep writing, I've read some of your other stuff and your a great writer, I'm adding you to my favorites!

I think poems that just come to you are sometimes the best kind. Like this one! Some great rhyming and imagery in this poem. Flows well too. 5/5

xXx

So good
beautifully written
all images are so fresh, expressive, just makes me say "wow"

'Making cakes and pies with livid lies and mud'
:)

yeah sometimes i have similar mood, when i imagine something strange and unexplainale)

i like this poem))

Wow, you use words very well!!! VERY PRETTY!!! I enjoyed it a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_____________^

Great choice of words, flow was great. Loved it :) 5/5

I had a very different interpretation about the poem

When I read it, I began to see images in my head as I always do. I saw a female adolescent being in a abusive relationship. Being beaten, raped, sexually and physically abused but she does not leave him.

She seems to be have her heart obliterated to pieces. I could see the girl being abused by her boyfriend, explains the blood. She is heart is broken, explains the mud part. Maybe she feels like dirt.

The lies could be that maybe he tells her he loves her everyday but she knows it is not true. She goes through tragic drama everyday with him, cries in bed. She has nightmares about it, explains the crying at her pillows.

But I got such an awful vibe at the last lines. Like if she wants to start a new life, could lead to the possibility that she might want to, kill he whom tortured this young adolescent... to at last start a new.

You know why I like this poem? Because you left enough information to let the reader capture it's own vivid pictures in the reader's imagination. Amazing, simply, amazing.

I voted this poem 5 out of 5. If I could, I would vote higher.

*Added to my favorite poems*

_[Deathly'Amore]

I like this poem it was good and even tho you say you dont kno wat its bout it is one of the best poems i have read so far so job well done

Oh em eff gee. this is like one of the most aamzing poems i've ever read on this site, and anywhere else too! This poem got me hooked from the very beginning! All three stanzas were great and the flow was flawless. And I can't even pick a favorite stanza! lol. .I'm adding this to my favorites. :] 68734/5! lol.

This is such a greatly written poem, you hav done a wonderful job.
keep up the great work

Amazing poem! :D
Keeep writing

Ohhhhh i like this one! for some strange reason i loved it.... your choice of words really captures the readers attention.. the flow was perfect.5/5

Very amazing poem... it gave a strong message bout lies the title suits it very good 5/5

Wow. i think i like ur weird moods!! lol. thanks for commenting. love it

That's ok. It tells a story even if it was unintentional when you were writing it. I love the wording. The second stanza was a little forced in the rhyming but overall a very good poem. I absolutely, 1000x loved the line:

"I'm finger painting with my own crimson blood"

<3<3<3 5/5
"

It set a hell of a mood that is very well done the images are great but I think you need abit more for some one to get the grander picture good job though

Great poem
I like it cause you explain well & i could piccchur it.
Keep it up!
=]

"Innocence leaked away the moment we met."
^^^
[I <lovvvvve> this line. It's beautiful in every way, it's raw, it speaks, it's blunt... Beauuuuutiful!]
"My eyes are cold and aged, but I don't regret"
^^^
[What don't you regret? This line is very unclear and takes away a lot from the poem.]
"I'm finger painting with my own crimson blood
Making cakes and pies with livid lies and mud"
^^^
[Oh dear. This line. I dislike it.. I'm sorry, but I'm being honest. I really don't like it.
But, here's why:
--I loved the idea of finger painting with your blood, but that word "crimson" gets me everytime. It's real mood-killer because people have over used it so much. Don't. :].
--And then "making cakes and pies" I don't know why, but that really threw me off. I do like the idea of playing with your lies in the mud thing, though. I'm honestly not sure I feel about this entire stanza. =/.

"Making stains on my pillow from crying at night"
^^^
[Too cliche for me, I'm sorry to say..I know I say that a lot, but cliche just doesn't have any emotion anymore.. if that makes any sense. =/.]

"Eyeliner will run when my dreams start to ignite"
^^^
[Not too bad, but remember in the last comment what I said about "eyeliner" depersonalizing it? Same here. I like the idea of igniting dreams, though.]

"Tell me you love me, so I can drown in self-hate"
^^^
[I love this line. Why? To some it may not make sense, but to me, it does. Love hurts, and I've been through a lot with love. And in the end, before I found my now-boyfriend, my relationship before it sounds a lot like this line.]

"You're dangling the worm so I'll take the bait"
^^^
[Depersonalizing again. Here, it's the same reason (that not all people knows this, etc.) I hope that makes sense..]

"I'll drink your melodic lies, if they'll keep me alive"
^^^
["Melodic lies" is a little cliche, but it fits, espically with the rest of the sentence, which is Brilliant.]

"Until my life starts to brighten with golden rays
Then I'll have to tear it down with an insane craze"
^^^
I really dislike these last two lines. Which isn't good, because it was the ending of the poem.
I disliked it because "golden rays" can barely explain the sun
and
"insane craze" just doesn't tickle my fancy for wording.. At least for this poem.
Also.
Punctuation.
I noticed in these last three poems (though I forgot to mention it everytime until now) that you never have punctuation. Right there might be a reason you don't have perfect flow. While reading your piece, the reader has to figure out where to pause.. Put that pause in for them, eh? Just a suggestion, of course.
Anyways.
Overall, not bad, but definately not your best, Babe. I'm sorry.
xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

And I just realized, as I glanced through some of the other critques, mine doesn't seem to agree.
That's when you know it's opinion.
But, I hope it's okay I have my own. =].
xox.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex