Comments : As the night is still

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "As the night falls once again
    A girl lays here with many emotions in her
    Stirred, and mixed together
    Altogether jumbled with a huge confusion"

    A truly entrancing way to open up this piece, grabbed the reader right away and for sure pulled them in. I like how you describe all that the girl is feeling.

    "She tosses in frustration
    She turns in irritation
    Not one soul can deliver the spirit she needed
    The heart that she holds must be too admirable to be cared for."

    Excellent word choice, though this is saddening my heart already.

    "The grief she carries within her very bosom
    Is weighing her down day by day, night by night
    In her dreams, she wanders until she can finally capture some warmth.
    The night is still, from the over-flowing sea, a river is now streaming... "

    Nice ending, leaving the reader satisfied. Nice work, keep writing, always and forever...

    5/5 from me, great vivid visuals!

    God Bless You And Your Family!