This poem is very touching. I love the flow of the words, and it truly makes you think about what is really going on in this world. I appreciate your concern for others. This is a very beautiful poem.

Full of Emotion 5/5'

This is a really good poem. I like the story in it. Although, I see you tried to rhyme it. There are some stanzas that didn't have the perfect rhyme. The first stanza was perfect, but the others were just scrambled. Very good poem though. I really liked it. 5/5

.:CiNdY:.

So good you do care about the things in the world and it inspires you to write and to do something actually. We cannot stay indifferent when things like those happen
and yes the way you wrote is so touching.

I like this poem for it's storyline and deep meaning, however I think you should gramatticaly check your work before you submit it.. I'll repost your poem here with the grammar that is missing. It took away from the poems potential to be perfect. So here goes;

Everyday millions of innocent children are dying in Palestine
And prosperous people [are] spending their money on wine,
Not considerate about anybody but them selves
And hiding their guns on top of their shelves.

[A good introduction to your piece, showing the differences between the war and the rich.]

Every hour a bomb hits Iraq
And for safety,
A family run and hides behind a rock.

Every minute a child is injured
And torment[ed] for things they didn't do,
Every word I am writing right now is only for you
You can open your eyes and feel,
This whole desolation I am writing is real.

[This is a very touching stanza, I felt it in my heart, knowing helpless kids are being tortured, it really got to me.]

When a poor innocent child runs to hide
The child ends up dying,
With nobody in its side.

[I'd suggest in that stanza above, the last line be 'With nobody [by] its side' rather than 'in']

When a mother goes look[ing] for her child
She finds her child cover up with red,
[ That line would work better if it said; 'She finds her child covered in red' ]
She suppurate until there aren't anymore tears
Because she knows her child is dead.

[A very, very sorrowfull stanza. I like how you didn't say blood directly, it painted more of a picture the way you described it, well done.]

''We sit here'', and watch
There's nothing in our hand to do
''Just sit here'', and look at you.

[ I'm not sure why the inverted comma's are in there.. to me, they are unnecessary. But maybe you meant something I just didn't see here. ]

We watch the news and, [ No comma needed]
Look at the children gushing with tears,
Can you look at a mother in the eye? [comma instead of ?]
When she['s] just lost her child, [? instead of comma]
Would you stand there and shed a tear?

Can you look at a child in the eye? [comma instead of ? ]
When the child just lost his/her [instead of his/her you could have 'their'] mother [?]
Would you stand there and cry?

The father is nowhere to be found [,]
How would you think a child would feel watching his father die?
Slaughtered dead on the ground.

[Those three stanza's show the missing piece of each person of a family when one of them dies. It's touching and terribly sad.]

Poor innocent kids are suffering [,]
nobody have [has] any faith [,]
They do what's best for them selves [themselves is one word]
And there isn't any place where kids can be safe.

Did a day pass by and somebody stayed alive?
Did a day pass by and no one shed a tear?
Did a day pass by with happiness and cheer?

[ I like these questions, it really makes you think about whether anyone really thinks about these sorts of serious issues]

I sit here on my chair
looking at the children dying yesterday and today,
It's tearing me apart to see them cry
Every each tear that drops down to earth makes me want to die.

[I like your emotion and imagery here, I could imagine this in my mind, you wrote it well.]

We got to be strong [and should be on this line]
and, hold our head up high,
We will help every each child
and never make them cry.

We all will always pray
to see happiness and joy,
Each and everyday.

I like the positive ending to this poem, but I think you could've written it a bit stronger.

Overall, other than the grammar, this was a well written poem. I can see you've tried to rhyme throughout, and with the first stanza, you started off so well, but the second it went off, although those words sound the same, they don't rhyme, and the rest is a bit sketchy too. This would flow just fine without rhyme, so I'd suggest to keep it either rhyming the whole way through, or not at all.

The story you told within this was touching, and it left a major impression on me as I finished this piece. That is what I look for most in a poem, to touch me, and make me think about things. You did that, and that's what I love most about this poem.

Well done.

Tammie

This was a very emotional poem for pretty much everyone involved with the war. I'm sure it can from deep inide your heart. I like the storyline, but as Tammie has already pointed out and corrected there were a lot of grammar mistakes. I always proof read my work for mistakes. I also thought you should have made the rhyme better or just have left it completely out and wrote what you feel. When a rhyme feels forced it kind of ruins the emotion and flow of the poem. Other than that I thought it was good, and could be amazing if your just fix the technical mistakes. Sorry, if I was too harsh, I just thought you might liked to know how to improve it. Great work!

Keep writing!
Cayce

As for your age i admire your feelings,to think about these innocent poeple.
this poem is so beautiful and touching. i thank you.

wars never stop, it's a fact we wish to be dream

Incredible.

It has good rhymes but the subject is something im a bit picky on

Sarah,

such wise words for such a young girl...and yes, you are so right! It is such an awfull world we live in, al the hate and fear and war...But we can make a difference, little one..We just have to stand up and say: no more!! Like you have done now.
Bravo on this great poem, sweetheart. You did well.

((hugs))

Ingrid 5/5

Wow... um ya im not commenting on this ill just say wow.. good job tho

Its brilliant that you can feel that and put into words,im in awe once again,the line where the child dies alone is heartbreaking,i cant imagine anything more horrific,youve made us all terribly guilty : ) in a good way, well done

Extraordinary poem! and soo true!

This is so real. I can feel it and relate to it. I love this poem. Your an amazing poetess.