I like a lot its very
detailed and imaginary!!
^__^

Great poem. good choice of words that makes the story stand out even more. 5/5

Very good. I got some excellent imagery from this. I do belive ill read more of your stuff. 5/5

Haha i love "brown mush"....the rest is sophisticated. its good though, i like it

I love this poem...."the worlds endless flaws"...that is so good....damn!! You are gifted, pls keep writing and giving us the power of thought and emotion....5/5......simple wonderful

Excellently written poem, you truly improves your writing with each poem which is great.
I like descriptions in this piece and rhymes are quite interesting. Your choice of words is nice, and I enjoyed in atmosphere which you created in every stanza. Few lines are actually very impressing and whole piece posses some originality.
Bravo, great work and well done.

Nice strength in most of the lines, hope to read more from you, 5/5

This is amazing!.. each line was very well written!.. very very nice job! .. thanks for the comment =)

The imagery here was just amazing and made the poem complete for me. Each line was powerful and filled with meaning which was effective in getting your message across. Well done *5/5*

Speaks to the sinking idea in the back of every mind that each daily game of life is unfalteringly rigged to stay just out of reach. Perfectly described and executed.

I love the way you word things.
It gives your writing more meaning.

**Autumn

I really liked it! it was short but very descriptive and easy to follow (i thought) 5/5...oh and thanks for ur comment!

I love it. Definilty evokes feelings of moments everyone has experience like this. Very well done!