Far away in another land,
sits a little girl, playing in the sand,
happy as can be.
but now that little girl is me.

Thats my fav part... this is a wonderful poem!! good job on this on!! creative :)

--**Skye~

-Thanks for the comment ^^ ur poetry is rly good ^^-

I thought it was good. I'd enjoy it more if you capitalized the begining letter in the first word of each sentence and then capitalizing the word I, but besides that it was great. Most people aren't bothered by that stuff but it bugs me. It's like how people frame pictures or wear makeup. It brings out the best parts of the poetry and then the little things like that aren't distracting for strange people like me. :) Annnyyywayyyys...The imagery in the begining setences was great and the last line was powerful. Five.

I really liked this poem. It flowed very nicely. The poem wasn't very deep, but it was deep enough to be meaningful and give the poem feeling. Good write!

Now..

the imagery at the start was very good, you could atucally see the little girl in your head. i liked the structure to this poem, and the shortness. the little story and the images are very good, also the fact that you used a 'little' girl gives it a sense of innocence, the rest of the story shows destroying the innocent, the rhyme scheme AABBCC, is a very good one, that matched this poem spot on. i also like the retorical question in the midlle, it catchs your attention quite alot. the last line, is very good, you can feel the feelings behind it. although i like this poem alot more than the last one i read i think the simplicity works better in this poem.

amy x

This is a really simple poem but because its so simple it makes it seem as though it has a twist in a way...like..no matter how simple the words you used it made the poem seem so much more deeper and realistic...My favorite lines were :

to this world and my life.
so i give myself up to my knife.

These two lines cut across everything else you wrote in this poem =] amazing job mwah xxx

Well i wont critiside yuo like the hitler of the site , jenifer,

i lie perfrect poems but i like fluent feelings too iand i found this one very good one

but alittle advice , if ui may is to make paragraphs in it , for the reader eye, 1 paragraphs are always bad make readers escape reading !!

Good.. Liike It ! ;)

Pretty confusing feeling ,

i wonder why this little girl that once sit on the sand is now soo depressed???