Wow, really odd rhyme scheme. ABCA. I'm not sure if I like it or not, but I give you props for trying something different.

Shallow hearts with hallowed minds,
lining the road with guts galore -
Turning bright red to blackened coal,
searching for lifeless finds.
^^ Such imagrey was portrayed here. I think this was my favorite stanza, because of it. I was picturing it pretty litterally, though. Hearts all along the road with guts and blood coming out of them.

I liked the repetition of the first and last stanza, it really brings the whole poem together. I'm not exactly sure what kind of pain this person is going through, but I can definitely tell it's some kind of horrible pain that they're trying to overcome.

Great poem! Loved it! :]]

Keep writing!
Cayce

Great rhyming scheme, reminds me of W.B. Yeats use of rhyming schemes. anyway.
good vocab,
good repetition,
good imagery,
good structure,

4/5

its good, but could be great.

"Like the moon and the earth -
just passerby's at work.
A settled heart too small for love,
holding in for all it`s worth. "
^^^
[- I love poems that use the moon as a subject!
-I love the first two lines. They're beautiful. "Passerby's at work"? Nicely stated; beautiful.
-The third line isn't that strong for me, but the fourth line is. It speaks well enough to cover the third line.]

"Shallow hearts with hallowed minds,
lining the road with guts galore -
Turning bright red to blackened coal,
searching for lifeless finds. "
^^^
[-Loving the first line. In such a few short words it says a lot. Beautiful.
-Hahaha! I love this second line. Where ever do you come up with these lines, you crazy bat, you! ;]. SImply, I love it. You make it so difficult for me to say anything on it, because I just love your work!
-Again, not such a strong third line, but the fourh line is pretty good and ties up the stanza. Nice.]

"It`s something you can`t see,
with the eyes mounted above . . .
those oddly squared cheeks of yours,
but it`s less than you can be. "
^^^
[-The second line is a bit odd and out there, but somehow that first line makes it make sense.. I don't even know, Teria. What's wrong with you? ;].
-"oddly <squared> cheeks" What the heck? Square cheeks? Brilliant! I just Love the way your descriptions are.. They're exactly opposite of what they're supposed to be. Yesh. ^.^
-And I love the last line. It's simple, beautiful, ties it together.. It's amazing. Mmhm. ^.^.]

"It`s pain inside your heart,
that`s ripping you -
from the inside to the out,
yet, you`re not coming apart.
^^^
[-Honestly, I'd say "it's <the> pain", but a lot of people hate using "the" and "a" and so on. So, that's just a preferce I'd like to complain about. ^.^
-"That's ripping you" it describes the first line brilliantly!
-Your grammar/punctuation is a little wrong in this stanza, by the way. If you want to fix it/need help, just ask me in a PM.
-"from the inside out" brilliantly describes the second line -- you're so good at that!!!
-And I love the fourth line. I just can't say anything more.. I'll be repeating myself. You're just brilliant.]

"And, we`re the moon and the earth,
just passerby`s at work.
We`ll push through the pain,
holding in for all it`s worth. "
^^^
[-I love the play of the first line because it's a play off the of first line of the first stanza. I love when people do that and it actually <fits>.
-And again with the repitition of "passerby's at work".
-And again on the fourth...
-As for the third line, I liked that you changed it up and made it sound perfect. Plus, it was a play off the title. Nicely done.]

I love all your writings, Babe. This one seems to be my favorite and your strongest. Of course, that's only my opinion, but it's definately my favorite.
Your style is amazing, and your wording unique. Don't change for anyone.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5