Comments : Blameless

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Thats really powerful keep it up xx

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany Michelle

    Beautiful

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    You did no wrong
    Acted so strong
    You never fell
    Such a perfect angel

    ^^ Okay, I like the idea of this, but I think it could have been stronger. This is the beginning so it needs to be strong so it will draw the reader in and keep them interested. Also, "fell" and "angel" don't really rhyme and it sounded weird when I read it out loud. >.<

    I was always to blame
    Being put to shame

    ^^ I like the first line, because it's very relatable. If the reader can relate to something then it will interest them. The second line, however, felt forced. I think you should say something about the first line with the second one. Maybe what you were blamed for?

    I needed to grieve
    But you didn't believe

    ^^ Okay, this first line is okay, but again the second feels forced. Try explaining what they didn't believe. It kind of confuses me.

    Why was it me?
    I just wanted to flee
    From what you'd become
    To what I'd succumb

    ^^ The last two lines were brillant. "become" and "succumb" are really original rhymes. They didn't feel forced at all. :]

    Always taunted by you
    Always teased by you
    But tragedy struck
    I just ran out of luck

    ^^ Okayyy, rhyming "you" and "you" together..? I think you could come up with something better to blow me away. I didn't really like the last line, because it just doesn't set the emotion of the poem. I don't know why but the word "luck" just ruins it for me. >.< Maybe try a better word?

    I never said goodbye
    That would have been a lie

    ^^ I don't get why saying goodbye would be a lie.. o.o..

    Destruction you left in your path
    A fragile woman left from your wrath
    Now after all these years
    I'm left with just me and my fears

    ^^ This was definitely the strongest stanza. Your vocabulary was great in this one, and I love the word "fragile". It just paints a picture in my mind. So great job with that. :]

    Overall it was a pretty good poem that could be a great poem. :]

    Keep writing!
    Cayce