Gauisus

Shes the lightning beneath my eyes,
The thunder lurking within my soul.
A nostalgia hidden in my subconscious,
That I have yet found a way to control.

My love for her is no longer a feeling,
I'm afraid its something much more.
A tangent that I cannot touch,
A cavern impossible to explore.

She has robbed me of my despondency,
Taken away my disdain.
Filled me with an uncommon lull,
That quite frankly drives me insane.

Im the victim of my own infidelity,
Which I have created inside of my mind.
To fill me with a needed depression,
An emotion I go out of my way to find.

Im not used to this contentment,
I find it scary and obtuse.
So I search for my displeasure,
I search for the abuse.

Its not a conscious decision,
Im not proud of it at all.
But I put her through unneeded torment,
And still for our love she stands tall.

She'll never understand what she means to me,
For I fear I could never explain.
How do you explain something almost cataleptic?
How can you give it a name?

Its on the verge of being luminous,
But even closer to insanity.
Beyond my own comprehension,
But credible to vanity.

So I sit here in my repugnance,
Content with my discontent.
I sit here thinking of my inamorata,
I sit, and I repent...

(c) Jacob M Parnell