How sad! I remember feeling the same way when I lost a friend. Alcohol made me warmer and it numbed the pain, but now that I look back on it, it wasn't worth it. It can ruin your life. I know from experience how alcohol makes it better for the moment, but numbing the pain eventually comes back and ruins everything again, you drink again, etc. People become homeless and die. Even if it feels like death sounds like a lightbulb turning on, that is not worth it either. Sorry about this long comment, but seriously, being with the pain (and suffering for a while maybe) really strengthenes people. It strengthened me.

But I can understand a little bit about the whole alcohol thing.

Well-written poem by the way, great description.

"The day you left still lingers on my breath
Alcohol helps me deal with your death.
If I could bring you back, I would
I should stop drinking, that is, if I could."
=>You describe the feelings very good. From the sentence "I should stop drinking, that is, if I could" I undestood the person has an alcoholic problem.

"It just warms me up, makes me whole
You left me beaten down and cold.
When I drink I imagine you're with me
It's you that I imagine I can see."
=> You really are good describing the feelings..

"Are you a ghost or are you really there?
Did you ever really care?
Drinking helps me forget, helps me sleep
Just so that one more night is mine to keep."
=>Nice flow.. :)

"I long to be back by your side
But now all I do is get drunk and hide.
It's too late to turn around.
I found this out the day they laid you in the ground.

I want to feel your breath in my ear
I just want you to be here!
I drink and drink and then I fall apart.
When you died and left me here, you broke my heart."
=> It is very sad poem and you succeeded good for describing feelings, poems feels very real. Good job!

Aww!!..wow!..i totaly loved it!!..great job!!!..almost made me cry!!..i don;'t know if u really did loose some1, but if u did i truly am sorry..
5/5
***aLy***

Good job once again, Kail. John Mark would have been so proud of you if he were still here, honey. I know I'm proud of you and all the things you've accomplished. He loved you more than you will ever know. This is an amazing poem that touched my heart. I know how difficult it was for you to lose him. It was hard on me and mom and pop to lose him, too. Great poem, girl. I'll call you soon and we'll hang out. Love you.

Good job
5/5

This is definitely my favorite poem that I've written so far. Thanks for all your votes and comments!

I can't imagine having to go through what you have, the thought of losing Jon is something that doesn't bear thinking about. I'm really sorry for your loss, I know that's something that everyone will say and they probably seem like pretty empty words but really, I am sorry. This poem described your way of coping with your boyfriend's death really well, it was so sad but at the same time, really honest. And (obviously) full of emotion. The lines that really stood out to me were:

"Are you a ghost or are you really there?
Did you ever really care?"

The doubt makes it so much more sad, but I'm sure that he did care.

Stay strong,

Em xXx

The last two lines gives one that sad feeling in the pit of your stomach ,very real! excellent.

This is a very sad and emotional poem. The feelings you portrayed throughout this was quite deep. Everyone deals with death different and you showed one way people choose to cope, even if it may be the wrong one.

I found the vocab to be quite simple, It was effective. But I really would like to see some more strong words throughout your pieces. The flow was rocky in some spots but not enough to reuin this piece.

I'm sorry for your loss if this is a truthful poem as it seems to be that way.

Overall an emotional write. Well done. ~Mel

Another very sad story. I still believe that with this one, like the last one, the rhymes seemed forced, but everything flowed together even with them.
This one I can relate to very much, and it's very sad.
5/5
~Lace

A sad poem, I liked all of it, but the bits I've picked out were my favourite bits.

"Just so that one more night is mine to keep."

A reader could have so many views of this lines, and I love the way it is structured, quite emotional as well.

"It's too late to turn around.
I found this out the day they laid you in the ground"

poems that include death always move me, and espiecally learning something when someone has learnt the lesson with the consequences is extra sad. A beutiful wording for such a sad portrayal.

A really nice poem, well done.

A way of escaping pain is through alcohol that was the common way of forgetting the feeling even just for awhile, i know most of the people do this.. good idea that people can relate with.. the ambiance of work is to powerful and vivid that can hit a reader's heart.

This was different and subtle. 5/5 from me. this was excellent. the flow and word choice here was perfect for this context.

5/5 David

Well having read what you write your poems about, i have to say that that poem was near perfect, the flow and the wording of the poem just completely nailed it, great job and do keep writing.

Wow, this is intense. Though the words you use are simple, the message you send is crystal clear. I am really sorry that this happened to you. I can't imagine the pain you are in. You have such a great way of expressing your feelings here. 5/5

Aw. This is sad. But I loved it. It's unfortunate how many people turn to alcohol to help deal with the death of someone they cared about. I liked everything about this piece. It was written perfectly.

``Briana

I used to have an alcohol problem. i would party all night. but i have no idea what it feels like to lose a friend. i'm so sorry for that loss. but a great work of poetry. 5/5

"The day you left still lingers on my breath
Alcohol helps me deal with your death."
^^^
[The rhyming's wayyy too cliche here. Way too cliche.]

If I could bring you back, I would
I should stop drinking, that is, if I could.
[It's weird, but I kind of like the way you worded this sentence.]

....
"When I drink I imagine you're with me
It's you that I imagine I can see."
[I don't like this at all. It seems a bit childish, a bit cliche.]

"Are you a ghost or are you really there?
Did you ever really care?"
^^^
[Again, cliche. A ghost? No... and him caring? yikes.]

"Drinking helps me forget, helps me sleep
Just so that one more night is mine to keep."
[Girl, you're killing me with the cliche here. Sleep and keep? And the two sentences really didn't go too well together.]

....
Yiiikes.
And the rest is the same way.
You're going really on the cliche side, and it really kills everything in the poem.
You need to be unique; use your own voice and scream out loud. Cliches never get anywhere. The flow is fine and all though the rhymes are cliche, they're rhymes, but I know you can do better.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 3.5