Comments : Best Ex-Friend

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I kind of like the title for this poem. It's good but not outstanding. I'm inbetween with it. It gets straight to the point yet it's so simple for you. I really am not so sure about it.

    This piece, I really felt. The emotion portrayed was deep Tammie. I know where your coming from and I understood every bit of your bitterness and emotional turn. Your saddness just flowed over me like a thousand harps playing a sorrowing melody. I've always adored the emotion you place into your poems though, even if it has the ability to completely play with my heart.

    You always found it so easy to give up and throw away,
    I used to be envious of the first until I realised how wrong it is.
    You treasure things so much that in the end you hate them,
    I never could understand that part of you, I wonder if you do.

    Above: The first line was simple and effective. It got straight to the point showing the reader your bitter and angry side with just enough regret and saddness. The second line I loved. I found the sense of relization and honesty to be outstanding. Quite interesting. The 3rd line was definitly my favorite because I know where your coming from. It's a problem I can have myself which isn't the nicest. The ending line of this stanza created question. I liked how you adressed the person you were writing to with a retorical question. That's a beautiful thing in your poetry.

    The only page of this whole chapter that was worth reading,
    Or gave me the slightest hint of satisfaction was the end,
    Where you said what you wanted and much more
    Just to shatter anything left of this hourglass I cherish.

    Above: The first and second line of this poem were definitly capturing. I must say my attention did not fall what so ever from them lines it was as though I was drenched in too much emotion. I liked the word choice and truth portrayed. Nice work there. The 3rd line simple, basic, straight to the point and lovely. We see here the build up of what is coming next.
    The last line of this stanza was a gem because it was not only simple it was heartfelt. All could relate to that line one way or another.

    I can't keep up with which day of the week you want me,
    Or which you want to remind me how much of a failure I am.
    And yet you'd think I'm talking about such a terrible person,
    Funny thing is; it was you all along and you had no idea.

    Above: Now this was my favorite stanza was has blown me away. Simply because of the twist you added within the last line. I could picture a girl spilling her heart out to a guy about someone who has been really playing with her emotions, yet the guys to blind to see that who she really is talking about is him. It holds a cliche sense but it's not cliche if your understand me because of the way you created this. You too away the touch of cliche which was added and just worked with what you do nicely. Good poetry.

    And now my prints running circles when the days stand still,
    Just to lay here and remember those cold words I read
    You never think they'd come from the unexpected, but when they do;
    You suddenly realise that they hurt, but they don't matter.

    Hmm. I'm torn. I like the first, second and third line but i'm not so sure on the last of this stanza. I mean it's good Tammie, you know I adore all of your work it's just I'm not so sure how to explain it. I guess I thought you'd be able to re-word that alot better. The use of they and they too close together damage the flow a touch to me. I think that's what it is that I'm not so keen on there.Hopefully you understand. Though if im talking absolute rubbish ignore me =P

    Overall a sweetly bitter sad poem with a touch of regret which I adored. Keep writing hun. You know I love your work and whenever I get the chance I will read it. ~Mel

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh I could relate with this so much. The emotions and hardships of losing a best friend and seeing their true colors shine is heartbreaking but sometimes its better you know then go on not knowing .. I'm not sure if that made any sense by yeah haha.

    Okay on to the poem ..
    My fave stanza by far was the seond one. It was so strong and the part of you relating your friendship to a book was flawlessly described and refreshing to read. Your choice of words here just fit what you had to say nicely so well done on that.

    The ending was great. Your imagery in the first line of your last stanza was amazing and truly completed the poem for me and made it that much more of a joy to read. It was different and fit everything nicely.

    I could tell this poem came straight from the heart because I could feel each emotion you described and you brought those emotions out of me which is an amazing to thing to do as a poet .. evoke emotion. Your vocabulary here was flawless and the poem overall was just amazing.

    Well done *5/5*