Wow awesome poem 5/5

Wow sweetie. i reallllllllllllllllllly like this one. like, tons and oodles and noodles *lol*

i love how it started out so hopeless and confused and lost feeling. and then at the end there was that ray of sunshine..

Feeling defeated, full of pain,
She tries to cut with all her might.
Once again sane, she drops the knife,
Knowing things will soon be alright.

She's tired, oh so tired,
But there will be no bloodshed.
She's trying so hard, she really is,
But finally she curls up in bed.

^ definitely my favorite two stanza...they just..dunno.. make the reader feel safe for a minute.

great job, kaylalala. i agree with rys for what this deserves. ^.^

I love it hun, its amazing, well done for writing it and thanks for sharing it xx great work xxxxxxxxxxxx

Good poem kayla. The message was a good one and you used a nice way of portraying it.

She's so tired, oh so tired,
But the poor thing can't sleep.
She's trying so hard, she really is,
But all she can do is weep.

I liked the repition in the first lin with the use of "so tired" I also liked how line 3 had 2 parts to it in a way by being divided byt the comma. You also did a very nice job with the rhyming. the words you chose matched up perfectly.

A day full of so much promise,
Was taken over by the rain.
Now it's finally getting to her
All she can do is feel the pain.

I love the rain...sorry random..lol anyways XD I liked the comparison to rain here, I may love rain, but it's a perfect way to illistrate things taking over and bringing you down and saddness and everything. I thought this stanza had the same feel as the first stanza so it fit very well into the poem.

She keeps asking herself, "Why?"
For making the same little mistake.
She wishes to find more happiness,
With a smile so perfectly fake.

ooohhhhh kayla awesome stanza. I could relate to this one. I liked the single word "why?" in quotes. Many people can relate to having a fake smile or making mistakes over and over again, and wanting more happiness than what they have. It's a universal stanza, and I liked this one a lot.

Mending everything broken,
Seems like one gigantic maze.
She gives up and quits again,
Can't seem to get out of a daze.

oh nice simalie. XD with the maze. (that's what it's called when using like and as right a simalie? I forget XD) I could easily picture the maze in my head and everything trying to be mended. I really liked the line "can't seem to get out of a daze" oh do I know what that's like. haze could have worked in here easily too as a substitute, but you did a nice job with the line as it is.

Feeling defeated, full of pain,
She tries to cut with all her might.
Once again sane, she drops the knife,
Knowing things will soon be alright.

And here is where the message behind the poem comes in. you worked it in very nicely. and stated it very clear in this line. Even without the help of the next stanza this does a very good job of portraying what you wanted to say to people who read the poem.

She's tired, oh so tired,
But there will be no bloodshed.
She's trying so hard, she really is,
But finally she curls up in bed.

Once again with the repition. I liked how the 1st and 3rd lines from the first stanza worked their way into the final stanza too. A good way to open and a good way to close.

Overall a good poem kayla.it had imagery I could picture as i read the poem, and it was easy to understand and the message was clear. 5/5 from me kayla. a nicely written piece.

Wow...that poem was amazing, I loved the emotion in it.

Very Nicely written hun,
Deeply sad, yet touched with a sliver of hope. This piece was excellent I very much enjoyed reading it.
Great message behind it.

5/5 --Elly.

Thank goodness! Finally, I can read a poem that's not about self harm! I'm firmly against it. I LOVED this poem; it has such a great message and alot of people need to read it. Great job on trying to prevent self-harm/suicide. 5/5

*~*Kail