Comments : I Dont Want to die alone

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen

    I have ears open hearing the sweet stories about happy endings
    Eyes open seeing fairy tale weddings
    I know love is tough and Im so ready
    Ill do whatever it takes
    I will find my soul mate and not another fake
    Has my time come or am I a little too late

    ^^ These lines are very sweet yet wit a lil touch of sadness..But it would have been better only if u added some punctuations here and there..Thats only based from my own opinion..

    With so many distractions its hard to keep focus
    I wish she would appear at the words of Hocus Pocus
    Wish love came with instructions or someone could remind us
    That the women out now are getting so cold
    But my mission is not over love is everlasting so Im told
    And I will search high and low to find the one to complete my soul

    ^^ Aww...these are great lines that would touch every girls heart...And as usual punctuations would make a great impact..For example, "But my mission is not over love is everlasting so Im told to
    But my mission is not over, love
    -is everlasting, so i'm told to." not exactly like this but you kno..sumthin that will make the reader pause or follow as per ur poem's punctuation..

    I feel so lonesome knowing I have no one there
    Having no one that really cares
    The more I think about it the more I tear
    Like paper life is funny everything goes wrong
    So called love have come fast and as fast Gone
    I want to find the one that Ive been looking for so long

    ^^ These lines are simply great..as usual touch my heart...Revealing what really life and love is..

    I would give you everything I own in my life
    And do my best to keep you satisfied
    I would wipe each tear that you have cried
    Knowing I have found you baby I would hold you tight
    Making sure no thief steals you away from me through the night
    If loving you is wrong baby I dont wanna be right

    ^^These lines have perfect flow and rhyme...

    All in all, Youve done a fantastic job..Very emotional and most of the words used were genuine and came stright from your heart..ALthough if it was mine i'll definitely change the title as the title dint fit wit the contents..It was less appealin than its contents..That is jus my opinion...Anyways, i liked it so 5/5..WeLL dOne..

  • 16 years ago

    by MissMeg

    Wow, that poem was just amazing, keep up the good work.
    5/5