Forever in twilight

by Sarah   Apr 29, 2008


Don't come near me, you might get burned
Don't speak to me, you might get hurt
Don't listen to me, I'm cursed

I am pure danger, surrounded by flames and desire..
A cold blooded heart that will never beat again..

Don't look inside, you might find the prisoner I hide..
you'll see a fragile needy heart shattered and left aside
behind the prison bars his heart has built..
I am lying to believe that I once lived..
doubtfulness & distrust..
Oh how I long and yearn for you touch..
Your warm blood shall end this thirst
I'll drink till I satisfy my lust,
or I shall die to end this must.

.........

Your words I shall never hear
I came to you with no fear
come to me, settle here
Then I'll never shed a tear..

What you say is not what you feel.
Your lust might be real,
But your love will appeal.
I love you, please don't leave..

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    Interesting poem, I like it, very intense and vivid piece. I enjoyed in it very much, you created truly original atmosphere.
    I like the title, simple but remarkable.

    -Don't come near me, you might get burned
    Don't speak to me, you might get hurt
    Don't listen to me, I'm cursed-

    ^Punctuation isn't too correct here, it should be:

    -Don't come near me, you might get burned.
    Don't speak to me, you might get hurt.
    Don't listen to me, I'm cursed-

    Other than that this start truly pulled me in a piece, very passionate and dark write.

    -I am pure danger, surrounded by flames and desire..
    A cold blooded heart that will never beat again..-

    ^When I saw word -desire- on the end of that line I was afraid that you will rhyme it with -fire- which would be so predictable and typical rhyme, but you didn't which is fantastic.
    Anyway this is maybe my favorite stanza it is truly beautiful.

    If you want correct punctuation it should be:

    --I am pure danger, surrounded by flames and desire,
    a cold blooded heart that will never beat again...-

    -Don't look inside, you might find the prisoner I hide..
    you'll see a fragile needy heart shattered and left aside
    behind the prison bars his heart has built..
    I am lying to believe that I once lived..
    doubtfulness & distrust..
    Oh how I long and yearn for you touch..
    Your warm blood shall end this thirst
    I'll drink till I satisfy my lust,
    or I shall die to end this must.-

    ^Very interesting ending stanza, you expressed emotions excellently, I like your choice of words, it kept my attention.

    Punctuation is correct on this way:

    -Don't look inside, you might find the prisoner I hide...
    You'll see a fragile, needy heart shattered and left aside.
    Behind the prison bars his heart has built.
    I am lying to believe that I once lived...
    Doubtfulness and distrust,
    oh how I long and yearn for you touch...
    Your warm blood shall end this thirst,
    I'll drink till I satisfy my lust,
    or I shall die to end this must.-

    Overall good job, interesting write.