Comments : Risen From The Ashes

  • 11 years ago

    by she

    This was wonderfull, it truelly was.... i LOVE it!!!
    1000/10000

  • 11 years ago

    by kylexthexmagnificent

    Thanks, i'll praise your comment since your the only one showing love

  • 11 years ago

    by Hollywood

    I liked it but i think all your poems are connected like there not their individual thing i know i do it to at times but not all....dont get me wrong its still good but i think you need to change it up a little bit more

  • 11 years ago

    by kylexthexmagnificent

    Wow that has nothing to do with the poem but i guess thanks for your comment. sad cuz i actually thought this was one of my greatest. i still think it is

  • 11 years ago

    by Alliey May

    Kyle this is an amazing poem! I love the emotion in it and the way your showing your becoming strong through life! I LOVE IT BABE!
    Keep it up! :]

    Much love,

    Alliey

  • 11 years ago

    by xxxStarSxxx

    Wow this is amazing. I want to feel this way sooooo bad! I'm tired of cutting but I can't stop. I want to be strong but I always give in...
    This is definately going on my favorites list.
    5/5
    ~Stefanie

  • 11 years ago

    by BurriedFaceDown

    Power. Chilling. Excellent. Mysterious. Gripping.

    I really like this poem you created. It was a bit on the choppy side though
    but there is nothing you can do about that now. But other than that i really like the feel and message of the poem.

    i stand over you,
    my strength smiles inside,
    love is the power,
    my demons have all died.

    my wings regrow,
    and i cast you into hell,
    this is my story of hope,
    when my old self fell
    ^^^^
    I love how you give the feeling of accomplishment and self confidence.

    Excellent Job.

  • 11 years ago

    by eehcuhhhz

    A line that ruined the flow
    "only the cold wind makes sound."
    A suggestion. Maybe change it to...
    "As the cold wind makes its sound"

    Alright.
    I wasn't very interested in this poem.
    Because... well, at first I thought it was going to be about self-pain.
    But... I just got confused at the end.
    Maybe you can make the end clearer?

    :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Wonderful write...
    I like the positive vibes reflected by your poem..

    "nothing but blackness,
    the hell where love dies."

    ^^very well written..

    "my wings regrow,
    and i cast you into hell,
    this is my story of hope,
    when my old self fell.

    reborn from the ashes,
    the world i am ready to face,
    i have a purpose here,
    my life is no longer to waste........

    i have risen from the ashes............"

    ^^these are my fav lines...i realy like the positive attitude...so beautifully
    explained....the imagery is perfect...

    "my life is no longer to waste........

    i have risen from the ashes............"

    ^^ wow... brilliant lines...

    Excellent write...

  • 11 years ago

    by Beautifully Disfigured

    I have picked apart your poem

    `````````````````````````
    I stare in your vacant eyes,
    trying to hold my ground,
    fear taking over my heart,
    only the cold wind makes sound.
    `````````````````````````````
    I think that you should try and put
    "trying to hold my own ground"
    and
    "only the cold wind makes a sound"
    ```````````````````````````````

    darkness all around,
    i see the nothingness inside,
    nothing but blackness,
    the hell where love dies.
    `````````````````````````
    Love the description of what you are talking about "the hell where love dies"
    ````````````````````````````

    i hold my ground,
    you give a wicked smirk,
    i will not fall this time,
    too many times ive been hurt.
    ``````````````````````````
    i think there could have been a simile here maybe i am wrong i just feel there should be one
    ````````````````````````````

    rage builds up inside,
    memories haunt me from within,
    i start shaking with anger,
    but i will not let you win.
    ``````````````````````````
    try "I start to shake with anger"
    ``````````````````````````````

    i glance at the blade...
    so tempting to take,
    i see you smiling sinfully,
    u wish my life to waste..
    ````````````````````````
    now i know poems can be all different types but your grammar should always remain the same "u" really should be spelt out especially because this is an intense poem so you dont want to abbreviate anything
    ````````````````````````````````

    your words spoken so soft,
    "give in Kyle, go take the blade"
    he steps closer to me whispering,
    "give into fear and hate"
    ```````````````````````````
    i think it should be
    "give into fear and into hate"
    just because of the syllable count it kind of sounds weird when you read this stanza
    ``````````````````````````````

    deep down i scream,
    my heart lets out a mighty roar,
    the darkness shatters,
    i see you fallen to the floor.
    ```````````````````````````
    i like the use of "mighty roar"
    and "the darkness shatters"
    ```````````````````````````

    i stand over you,
    my strength smiles inside,
    love is the power,
    my demons have all died.
    `````````````````````````````
    I really dont have much to say about this one
    I just really liked this stanza
    ``````````````````````````

    my wings regrow,
    and i cast you into hell,
    this is my story of hope,
    when my old self fell.
    ```````````````````
    what do you mean by "wings regrow" sorry just confused by that one
    ````````````````````````

    reborn from the ashes,
    the world i am ready to face,
    i have a purpose here,
    my life is no longer to waste........
    `````````````````
    "a waste" sounds better then "to waste" because you are saying that you have a purpose so basically your life isnt just a waste of one
    `````````````````````````````
    i have risen from the ashes............

    ````````````````````````
    and of course the ending................
    LOVE IT
    ``````````````````````

  • 10 years ago

    by Fiend in the Iron Maiden

    Yes, this is amazeing by far xDDD 5/5 my friend great job

    if you wish to comment me back, please comment mary mary or jack and jill, ether or, or even both ^^ thank you for your time

  • 10 years ago

    by Fiend in the Iron Maiden

    Yes, this is amazeing by far xDDD 5/5 my friend great job

    if you wish to comment me back, please comment mary mary or jack and jill, ether or, or even both ^^ thank you for your time