Comments : Last words of dieing love

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is pretty good, here are my thoughts:

    First stanza was good, nice opening.

    Then having the rest of the poem all together makes it not so enjoyable to read. So try separting that into different stanzas that have about the same amount of lines.

    "But i got flowers, chocholets and cards"

    chocholets should be chocolates.

    "When that failed I sang my love to you"

    Awwww......such a cute little line!

    "But I laughed along grecefully"

    grecefully should be gracefully

    "Knowing none of then have ever felt this feeling"

    then should be them

    "But still this was nothing to the heart you began sealing"

    I think that heart should be hurt.

    Otherwise, you did a pretty good job. Take care! :)