Shallow as a Shower

by Anaisthitos   Jun 11, 2008


Whisper in my ear,
and don't you go away,
love is my only fear..
and you scare me everyday.

Hold me close and tell me lies,
because that's what I want to hear,
just try not to make me cry,
and I'll try not to keep you near.

and when you're gone I won't ask why,
I won't hurt, and I won't bleed,
you couldn't make me want to die,
because it's not you that I need.

Sometimes girls take your breath away,
I've been thinking long and hard,
you see, sometimes they're just a little game,
strip poker, without the cards.

I've worked hard, and kept my distance,
because I know we're nothing real,
so don't you think, for an instant,
that love's this feeling that you feel.

I know you, and I know me,
and I know love, most of all,
we're just a shallow little side note,
nothing big, and nothing small.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Empathy

    I think your perspective of love comes across well with this poem. Though the flow may not be fluent in every aspect, it does not offset you from reading this poem. Overall I would say you did very well with this. Nice work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Romancing the Darker Side

    I loved this poem. I liked the irony you used, especially in "you see, sometimes they're just a little game,
    strip poker, without the cards."
    I actually found it slightly humorous.

    The way you ended it seemed perfect, you wrapped up everything you said i nthe poem and left no loose strings hanging.

    As for the bad, your flow could definitely use work. Some lines seem miles long than others. Also, in the line, "that love's this feeling that you feel." The words "feel/feeling" make it sound repetitive, so I'd suggest "that love is this thing that you feel." because it changes it up a little.

    Overall, very nice job. I could see this being a nice song with the right melody attatched. I found myself singing it in my head as I read, which is always a good sign. =]

    4/5. Just fix up a couple little flow issues and you'll be golden.

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