OUR BLUE PLANNET

Planet has one N silly. :)

by Muhammad Junaid

We live on a planet
The blue planet earth
Our lungs breathe its air
Enjoy the rainbow, when it emerges.

That last line seemed a little random to me.

Our feet patter it every day
And stir the dust and clay
Other creatures do also share
Crops and fruits that earth has raised.

We gulp each drop of water
From the sky that has been poured
But to nature the human are selfish
Utmost distortion to its cycles had been made.

the humans*
to its cycles have*

Blue planet is chocked in dust
And harmful chemical mixed in its air
Water is serving as poison
For crops, and animals that graze

chemicals*

We human ourselves are plunging into death
And depleting the ozone layer
Nature provided a shield for protection
If we keep on polluting, no more it will be there

humans*

The last line in there sounds a tad odd. Reword the last part to be
it will be there no more, or it will no longer be there

Trees that serves as a shelter for birds
Are marked and being cut down
If they indeed are lungs of nature
Why is our conscious sleeping sound?

In the first line make serve into serves.
I don't think you need being cut down, just cut down.

Mother nature will suffer severe hardships
If we don't stop polluting our blue planet
Our future generations will be raised in a hell
And the blue planet will turn into a dark planet

One last thing. You've got a little crazy with punctuation.
Some places you have periods, some places you don't.
Make up your mind silly. :)

Other than that, I liked the idea of it and I agree completely.
I am an environmental activist and I try hard to keep the planet blue
and green. I feel everyone should do the same and you captured
it pretty well in this poem. Way to go. :D

I loved this poem,
I have always been an environmental freak.
pollution and waste is also being dumped into
the oceans and river killing thousands of animals.
I became a vegetarian 5 years and 3 months ago in order to try save a few animals lives,
the images that your words gave were amazing and so very true!!
Great job, I think that everybody needs to read this poem
because it really gets one thinking about what the harm we do now is gonna do to the near future.
Great job!!

Muhammed,

I would change the word "dark planet"to "empty shell". this poem has no flaws at all. You can see your writing improves with every poem. I will vote on that one poem that got a low rating and wish you all the best.

Take care,

Ingrid

I am interested in this poem. Not only because its like the first poem on your list but;
For some reason I kept picturing this yellow flower in your poem blooming with the blue sky above it.

From what I've see I might suggest adding more feeling. Obviously you have a lot of feelings for your planet. but I mean like our emotions aren't supposed to be facts nor are they supposed to make sense so make something a little less factual. if that makes any sense. That's just what I have seen from this poem I am sure it is an excellent poem because I just read it. Its just something I saw.

YOUR WORDS MEANT ALOT TO ME
THANKS ALOT

I appreciate nature poems. I agree with this poem's strong message. We are savaging this world, raping it of its resources and leaving pollution where its beauty used to be.

We are supposed to be the superior race, but it is hard to imagine any other species destroying this planet we call home. We are animals and certainly don't deserve this paradise we live in.

Well done

Michael

How truthful this poem is I especially liked this stanza:

Blue planet is chocked in dust
And harmful chemical mixed in its air
Water is serving as poison
For crops, and animals that graze

If people only knew the harm they are causing and how just a little change could make a difference
very nice poem, important message, nice structure.
5/5

^We live on a planet
The blue planet earth
Our lungs breathe its air
Enjoy the rainbow, when it emerges.^

The flow is off as the last line in this stanza is too long. it needs an apostrophe it's. The first stanza is lacking the word choice to get the reader interested.

^Our feet patter it every day
And stir the dust and clay
Other creatures do also share
Crops and fruits that earth has raised.^

We don't really say our feet patter the ground, they walk it. Other creatures also share. You don't need to put the do in there, even with that change it still reads like an incomplete sentence.

^We gulp each drop of water
From the sky that has been poured
But to nature the human are selfish
Utmost distortion to its cycles had been made.^

This makes me envision people outside while it is raining with their mouths open....again the last line is too long and throws off the flow.

^Blue planet is chocked in dust
And harmful chemical mixed in its air
Water is serving as poison
For crops, and animals that graze^

No need for the And chemical should be plural chemicals. It needs an apostrophe again....

^We human ourselves are plunging into death
And depleting the ozone layer
Nature provided a shield for protection
If we keep on polluting, no more it will be there^

The first line doesn't make sense. You have too many filler words throughout the poem which may or may not be due to a language barrier.

^Trees that serves as a shelter for birds
Are marked and being cut down
If they indeed are lungs of nature
Why is our conscious sleeping sound?^

This is the best stanza of the poem.

^Mother nature will suffer severe hardships
If we don’t stop polluting our blue planet
Our future generations will be raised in a hell
And the blue planet will turn into a dark planet^

Now the last stanza was just a mess. The flow is off and there is too much repetition. With some work, I think you could turn this into a good poem. Right now the way it is, not deserving of the front page. Like I said though, I like the message you were trying to convey. Keep at it!

This is a very powerful poem The imagery is quite thought provoking