Forever with me

A very special poem for me, I liked it
BR
Ole Carsten

Honestly, my first impression upon reading this poem was "I've read it before". By that I mean that it reads like just about any other love poem there ever was. You said you usually write in one sitting and just write what’s on your mind/heart at the time. And this is exactly how most people think or speak.

You have amazing ideas and you paint beautiful pictures with your words. You just need a little more structure and practice.

Now, on to the poem :)

I shall swim across the endless sea
dream the endless dream
cry the endless stream
until I am with you

^^
Some people will say this is cheesy or cliche, but I like it.
I love the repetition of "endless", it emphasizes your emotion.
The first line is a bit long, though, which makes the flow awkward.
You might consider:
-I shall swim the endless sea
-I shall cross the endless sea

The last line is a bit expected. You might spice it up with one of these:
-all while finding you
-until my heart finds you
-until I discover you

Forever you will be that which resides
within the deepest part a persons soul
where only the most cherished and missed can enter
^^
Ideally, a poem's stanzas will all contain the same number of lines, even if the syllables or rhyme scheme don't follow a pattern. I think you have enough here to create a 4th line.
Since you use cherish in the 3rd stanza, you might consider cutting it from here.

How about:
Forever residing inside
my soul's deepest corner
reserved for the most treasured
object of my desire

Though we've never met I know your the one
your beauty faintly rivaled by the morning sun
forever in my heart until it no longer beats
you are forever with me
^^
In the first line, your should be you're, but I might change that whole line, it's a bit clunky. I had a boss once tell me, "Write what you want to say, then cut the word count by half"
In the third line, everyone writes about the heart and it's beating or not beating.

How about:
Sight unseen you are the one
Your beauty far outshines the sun
Until my pulse no longer runs
Forever you are with me

I cherish every moment
I cherish every blissful kiss
We're I to loose everything,
it's you who most I would miss
^^
I do like the repeating of "cherish every"
Line 3 has a couple typos – it should be were and lose
Line 4 is very awkward.

How about:
Now cherishing every moment
now cherishing every kiss
if everything were lost
then grieving for your bliss

People might think I'm crazy,
they might think I'm insane
but to go without you for just a moment
is worse then everlasting pain
^^
Using crazy and insane is redundant. It's a nice picture, though. Maybe think about what you might experience if you really seemed to be going insane. Answer the question, "What makes people think I’m going insane" and describe that.
Don't be afraid to use your thesaurus to find the perfect word.

How about:

Head swirling with crazy thoughts
Brain surrenders to insanity
Being without you for a moment
Worse than eternal agony

-------

Again, you have wonderful ideas. Don't be afraid to edit your first drafts. You have amazing talent.

~Ann

I love it...Great poem really...
5/5

Love this 1....adding it to my favzzzzzzzzzz

This is the most amazing poem i have read till now no kidding this is amazing 5/5 wonderfull keep it up :)