Nice description. try to have capitals at the start of each line, gives it a more formal touch.

5/5 David

This is a good piece. I would like to see proper capitalization everywhere it's needed, and possibly the needed apostrophes in a couple of words. And "24" would look better spelled out -- "twenty-four". Writing numbers in numeric form makes them stick out like a sore thumb. Other than that, it's good.

``Briana

This poem has great flow and i really enjoyed reading it. 5/5

I really liked this, you wrote this very well. I loved all the descriptions here, and you kept me interested all of the way. This was a very good write, so great work, keep it up!

This one is really great i love it

It's really great. I can understand how you feel the pressure to smoke. It seems everyone is these days.