Comments : Silenced sibling

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    First thing, all of the "i"s in your poem need to be capitalized and every beginning letter of each new word in the next line needs to be capitalized.

    "I can not say i wish you were here,
    i do not wish that pain upon you,
    and i can not say i love you,
    if i never got to know you,
    but i can say i miss you,
    each and every day,"

    This is so heartbreaking, I love your emotions you give off, they are so touching to my heart.

    "brown hair and hazel eyes,
    but lifeless and small,
    a tear spills from my eye,"

    Good descriptions

    "i can not say i'm sad foy you,"

    "foy" should be "for".

    "but she rests in piece,"

    "piece" should be "peace".

    "i will not grieve for you Leanne,"

    Beautiful name, I am greatly sorry for your loss.

    "because tears wont bring you back,"

    "wont" should be "won't".

    "i will come to you one day,
    will you be waiting?
    We will meet again, dear sister,
    time can only tell when."

    I am sure she will be waiting with open arms too. 4/5 from me, I am again sorry for your loss, but you will see her once again. Deep emotions and feelings. Take care and God Bless!