Comments : What Am I Doing? {Contest}

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "I'm not alone on this road, there is so many people like me"
    `I think is should be are..

    ""Just take your time through life, don't give up", I tell myself
    "just walk, you will end up tripping if you run to fast.""
    `These lines were so true.

    "If you're ever feeling down and like you're wasting time,
    just know that all the struggles will end up being fair."
    `Perfect ending. Truly amazing. Very true. This really gives people hope to not give up on life.

    Overall, there's nothing you can change with this one. I thought the flow and rhyme were perfect, the message in the poem was truly inspirational. I absolutely loved it. Such a true poem, all the lines were perfectly written and gave me a different outlook on life for sure. I could relate to this one, and I think a lot of us could who are on that same road/path in life. Well done! 5/5.

  • 11 years ago

    by Adelle

    This piece flows very well I like your choice of words and the message you try to give to the reader this is one of those pieces that just keeps you their you can not walk away you just have to finish reading I don't think I can see anything I would change in this one.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lori

    Excellent. Absolutly flawless. One thing that I loved about this is that I think everyone has felt this way before. Everyone has felt lonely like they just needed someone there. Thats my favorite quality about it.

    I walk down this road, in the world of black and white

    ^^Oofta that line just sends shivers up your back ehh?? It is so expressive and I can definatley tell you put a heck of alot of work into this....and it absolutly shows!

    As usual...it was beautiful with an excellent and easy to read flow. 5/5 Great write there Bree!

  • 11 years ago

    by shawn hoskins

    Your very good, alot of people can relate to this one, overall it was perfect your very talented!

  • 11 years ago

    by HvN

    Whoa! "I walk down this road, in the world of black and white"

    now that is one Kick As* start!!

    nice ryme, great imagery, I felt as if i can place myself in the writers view and feel every emotion/feeling.

    this is very well written, 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Hey! Here goes.

    First Stanza:

    "I walk down this road, in the world of black and white
    just hoping that I find my destiny, my chosen path.
    This is what I need to do, what I have always dreamed of
    because I'm so tired of dealing with the worlds cruel wrath."

    - Love the set out, its intriguing, and seems a little dark. "black and white" love the use of these words. The rhyming also, is well done, not boring, fillers, very interesting.

    Favourite line: "because I'm so tired of dealing with the worlds cruel wrath."

    ^ really sums it up.

    Second Stanza:

    "I know what I am searching for, but I don't know what I'll find
    hopefully everything will lead to success in the end.
    I'm not alone on this road, there is so many people like me
    but all I really need is someone to hold my hand, my best friend."

    - Also like this one, easy to understand. I see the hope in this (second line), and it really shows that you are hoping, or wanting something. Third line: maybe change "is" to "are" ??

    Favourite line: "hopefully everything will lead to success in the end."

    ^ enjoyed this line, because it shows the hopefulness in this stanza.

    Third Stanza:

    "From where I stand, I cannot see anything standing in my way,
    but there is bound to be something I have trouble getting past.
    "Just take your time through life, don't give up", I tell myself
    "just walk, you will end up tripping if you run to fast.""

    - Love the use of metaphors in this. Really relates to life which is what I like about it. The rhyming also is really good.

    Favourite line: "just walk, you will end up tripping if you run to fast."

    ^ really liked this one. Leaves a lesson, and shows that you understand it too.

    Fourth Stanza:

    "I know that at the end of this long and challenging journey
    a rainbow at the end, just waiting for me to get there.
    If you're ever feeling down and like you're wasting time,
    just know that all the struggles will end up being fair."

    - Really good way to end this. I loved how it seemed a little dark at first, then BAM! Light at the end of the rainbow. Really ties in well.

    Favourite line: "just know that all the struggles will end up being fair."

    ^ really sums this up, and also the poem. Nothing more needs to be said.

    Poem Conclusion:

    Really enjoyed the poem. Leaves a nice feeling. Also inspirational too. Loved the rhythm, not too fast or rushing, etc. and the rhyming ties in well also.

    Definitely 5/5 and definitely worth voting for.
    Well done, keep it up! =]

    xx
    Nic
    xx

  • 11 years ago

    by Robert

    Inspiring poem for people it should bring faith and hope to those who read it very well done. I thought there could be more but who am I to say anything great piece Plot121