Comments : Words Unsaid.

  • 11 years ago

    by Cayce

    When the years pasted I never though we would get here,
    `` Pasted should be passed, and though should be thought. Just some typos, that are easily fixed. :]

    I saw us lasting more, but as a huge fork in the road came,
    `` I would reword this like.. "I saw us lasting longer, but as a huge fork in the road came,".

    Just little by little, you were slipping away
    And I could never think of anything to say
    `` I liked the rhyming you did here, it gave the flow more rhythm.

    If I never said it enough, i'll say it now
    I love you.
    If I never showed you how much,
    I'm sorry but I care for you more then anything.
    `` I looove this whole stanza. I know exactly how it feels to feel guilty for caring about someone so much. It's really confusing and frustrating. Blah.

    Just in hearing your name.
    `` If this was my poem, I'd definitely change it to "Just [by] hearing your name." :]

    If you didn't hear, my heart is calling for you,
    Now more then ever.
    `` Awwww, I love this line. It's like your so desprate for him you can't even call him anymore with your voice, you're calling him with your heart.

    In my heart and in mind.
    `` I'd put a [my] right before mind. I think it sounds better that way. :]

    The only thing that made me happy,
    Was knowing that you were mine.
    `` I think this is a perfect ending. I got tears in my eyes, because I could feel that saddness in your words.

    I think I know who you're talking about throughout this poem. Just hang in there, it'll get better. I promise. Sorry, I corrected so much stuff, haha, you know how I am, I can't help myself. >< I really liked it though, you poured your heart out.

    Oooh yeah annnd I think you picked a good title. XD

    Well done!

    Keep writing!


  • 10 years ago

    by Mauricio Jarvis

    I like this one alot