Comments : Letter to him

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Is this how it has to end?
    The moment of a new start
    soon as we were getting back together again
    we had to drift apart"

    Good rhyming and I like how you put the question to open this piece, nice job.

    "I thought we would be together
    with kids of our own
    this would have been better
    a place we called our home"

    Well-expressed thoughts, I'm liking this a lot.

    "instead I had to move away
    from you and your smile
    I would to anything to come your way
    I�d even walk a mile"

    Fourth line: Just get rid of that IA thingy that pops up, just erase it.

    Otherwise, this is very sad, to have to move away not wanting to, just wanting to come back to you.

    "Is this it?
    no more me and you
    evevery night pray that my dream would come true"

    Third line: "evevery" should be "every".
    And "I" should be placed after "night".

    "I think it�s my fault
    it�s all because of me"

    Just delete those things again and you have it in some places in the rest of your poem, so just erase it.

    Otherwise, 4/5 from me, very heartfelt emotions that you were feeling. Take care and keep writing, always and forever...