Comments : WANT

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Okay, I want to help you out on a couple of things. Don't put it in caps like I said before and use punctuation, otherwise its a run on sentence that is of no interest to the reader. Also, in this piece "u" should be "you". Your grammar is awful here, if English is not your number one language than I suggest you take time to look over your poetry before posting something that makes absolutely no sense to the reader. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I couldn't even read it, if you want others to look at it and want to grow as a poet, please take my advice, trust me, you will be better off.
    This is how it should look cleaned up:

    "I want you to be with me forever, for you to be more than a friend. I have liked you since we met, and the more I talk to you, the more my feelings grow. I want to tell you but the fear of reject will hurt me. I want to be with you"

    Some other suggestions: Don't use filler words so much like "I" and "you", it bores the reader. Try being more creative, I really didn't feel any emotion in this piece, it was very cliche.