Gosh. I loved this piece. you have a way with words!! keep up the good work KM

Well that was well written and if you dont hide the way to your heart , then he surely will find it , for thats the way love goes. this poem smacked of innocence

Grant

Great poem. I know EXACTLY what your talkin about! Btw, thanks for rating/ commenting on my poem. I will read your other poems etc... :)

Couldnt have been better,
great job :)
5/5

I love the beginning, it's sweet and innocent but with a hint of dark. However the poem weakened after these lines;
"So I don't know if you like me or don't
because chances are that you won't "
It's so cliched and overused. Perhaps you could come up with a metaphor or change the language to make it more original?

Then in the final stanza it changes to 'I' a bit too much; again I would say try and work on a metaphor or something different to fit in there.

Now back to the beginning of the poem; (this comment is a bit all over the place, isn't it?)

I love the innocents there on your behalf and the darker lustful side of the other person in the poem, they fit together well and I'm sure it's something that others can relate to well.

"I like it like this, when we act this way
neither of our hearts being portrayed "
I love those lines, however I think you need to extend the first line to add more sylabols so the second line flows with it better. The way it is now the second line has too many sylabols and I like the second line too much for it to change ;)

Still a great poem overall, 5/5

jess ~

Oo a change of pace.. this poem rhymes:)
this was one i enjoyed reading. Very cute, raw, has those sad hints in it.. and all that jazz,

there was one verse that stood out more than the others
"So I don't know if you like me or don't
because chances are that you won't "
- it feels like i just saw this same verse in your last poem i read by you "Im done"
theres nothing at all wrong with it, the flow is great, the words go together.. but if i were you, i would try to avoid using it too many times because since it is a rhyming poem.. many others like you have the same idea and it becomes to be overused and eventually cliche.

The beginning verses were ALL beautiful.. i loved them.. maybe if you want, id suggest working out some kinks in the last two verses and youd have urself an amazing poem.

good luck x) xox

5/5

I can relate to this.
You know how to use your words.
Great piece love <3

xxx.

Yes this is really true, those thoughts is really such great and very well written, all the words are very meaningful. i love how u expressed those great thougths... just keep on writing all what u feel inside.. 5/5

Wow its eery because this how me and one of my friends are now, I mean like if you pm me ill tell you more, but i wanna like show this to her and just say I found it on the web can I?
Anyway I like simpilistic poems the best because they show the most emotion pushed all together making it seem like theres even more.
I dont quite catch the first line, It doesnt feel forced at all but I dont feel the meaning. PM me?

I think this poems of urs is short and sweet
and i'm sure a lot of teenagers can relate this poem with u...including me heheh ...great job

Great poem. i really liked this one. lol. keep up the good work and keep in touch. lates. ^_^

Awww. That was so sweet and filled with innocence. I am sure that many young people can relate. 5/5

Hiding that you may know he doesn't like you but you turn a blind eye just for the feeling he gives you. wow! thats all I can say is wow. 5/5 on the poem that most girls do. and most guys to.