Comments : Once Upon a Dream

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Once upon a dream, I believed in you,
    Hell, I believed in us; I believed in myself,"
    But like all dreams I've stumbled through,

    I think instead of writing "believed" three times, maybe you could replace one of those words with "trusted", just to not be so repetitive.

    "Passing me a sympathetic smile through gritted teeth,
    All the while keeping a watchful eye on me.
    I'm ready to snap and you can feel it in my stare,
    But you don't say good-bye, you wouldn't dare."

    Nice rhyming and word choice, and the descriptions here are immense. :)

    Overall, good work, I enjoyed reading this piece, very heartfelt. 5/5 from me, take care. Keep writing, always and forever...

  • 15 years ago

    by Gem

    "You would laugh in my face if I said I needed you,
    Just so you could say "I told you so!"

    It's so sad that this can happen. I've missed your work so much since i've been gone from the site and now i'm back i hope you come back to and write for me some more, haha

    Excellent poem as always m'dear!
    Gem x