Comments : Journey

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "I took a journey
    with no pit stop
    I'm sick of going through
    this bumpy course"

    Good opening, but there isn't any rhyming here, and throughout the poem you have rhyming but here. I think you should change that because it threw me off a bit...

    "I'm sick of living
    all my life in mono tone
    and keep on driving
    into these forbidden zone"

    Great emotions here, you really get your point across well.

    "I'm sick of trying
    to find the road
    and solve life's mystery
    and break the code"

    Those last lines are well-worded. Nice rhyming, simple yet meaningful.

    "I'm sick of playing this game
    that fate has force me to play
    a game which infuse life and faith
    in which you can only hope and pray"

    Second line: "force" should be "forced".
    Third line: "infuse" should either be "infused" or "infuses". It just reads better and makes sense.

    "which results in love and hate
    my minds messed up
    there is a whirlwind inside of my head
    which only left the words to be unsaid..."

    Second line: I think you should add a "is" after "minds" and change "minds" to be singular. Just my opinion though.

    4/5 from me, I like what you're saying here but there is a few errors. Take care, keep writing, always and forever..