Comments : Cosmic Collision

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "two worlds has collide
    in an unexpected way
    the grey skies has open it's ways
    for the world to play"

    First line: "has collide" should be "have collided". Nice last two lines, I like the wording, very cool!

    "Opportunity will only
    come knocking on our door once
    It will be to late by then
    when we think about it twice
    maybe that's the price
    we need to pay
    for telling our heart lies"

    Good stanza, I like the title too, and its uniqueness.

    "It may make no sense
    for us to leave
    something that we have build
    but does it even make any sense
    for us to live our lives in pretense
    and not pursuing what we feel?"

    Second line: Maybe reword it to this: "for us to part our ways", to me it just reads better, but that's my opinion.
    Third line: "build" should be "built".
    Last three lines, great emotion and meaning, and good question at the end that leaves the reader thinking. 4/5 from me, take care..