First off, poems are not to be written in all caps. I would change that here and with any other poems, because it is against forum rules. Also, there is no punctuation at all in this poem, its just one big run on, how am I supposed to read it? Your spelling should be looked over, or use spell-check, I could not even enjoy this write.

Do a lot of work on it, I think you shouldn't posted it yet, take time to write it, to improve it, don't just post in a hurry.