I love it
by smiley Oct 1, 2008
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I love it when you say my name I love it when you smile I love it when you laughs I love it when you hug me ur perfect in my eye ur best thing that happened ur a angel I never thought I be happy till I met you the true is I can't live without you ur are my heart ur my everything I will kill a whole country just to save my love for you |
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15 years ago
by Mask of Pain
Wow and your a guy. not alot of guys write poems. I think they should good job. I loved it. Merry x-mas
sarah -
15 years ago
I mean no disrespect here, and you did ask for opinions. You need to rewrite this. Seriously. The intent behind it is noble and romantic, and for that it deserves to be better written. I know it's tempting to write in slang, but for me personally poetry is about expressing yourself in a manner that will grip an audience. This just doesn't. But it could.
Have another go. The potential is there. -
15 years ago
by isabel
The feeling and depth of it is wonderful... it flows in an intersting way... yet if you don't divide it in stanzas, it will look like prose and not poetry...
another thing:
* i love it when you laugh - does not have an "s" in the end in this context
* "you are" or "you're" looks better than "ur"
i have nothing against slang but it distracts a reader from the content's depth...
=)
*keep on*
isabel
