Comments : Your final move

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    That's right, Tabi! Let him choose what he wants to do and be clear about it!
    I love your strong voice here, way to go girlie!

    Hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by ReinaPuente

    In time you will know, what the true meaning to love is, because when your in love its not you and him, its us. you become one. iv always looked at it that way, and when you know its real you'll be able to feel the difference between him and other guys you only thought for a minute you loved.

  • 15 years ago

    by ReinaPuente

    I forgot to add i really liked it alot!=)

  • 15 years ago

    by Goth marionette

    Cause, I'm warning you boy, this is your final move.
    I liked this line sooooo much:D:D..
    The whole poem was really interesting and the flow was good..
    I enjoyed reading it ;)
    Good job,plz keep it up..

  • 15 years ago

    by Prophecies In Kodak

    It's very very hard to read throughout this poem. Some of the punctuation is choppy and the "&&" throws it off. I dont like that you used the and symbol, but it's worse you used, too.

    Otherwise, the poem was pretty good. You had a good visual and your emotions were clear. You made it relatable to the reader.

    You may want to try to be more descriptive in your emotions though with just simple words, rather than multiple descriptive words.

    I give you a four.

  • 15 years ago

    by HuRtInG bEcAuSe Of YoU

    Wow..i love it...great emotion :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Gabba Gabba Hey

    'Why is everything a thought out plan?
    Why is it always about evening the score?'
    these are my favorite, and all too true lines in the poem.
    'The truth? Honesty? Ok.
    I'm struggling to make sense of you.'
    these are great too...there's a sort of strangling honesty in them.
    I'm partial to the very last stanza too. Okay, here's some criticism, that I hope will be constructive.
    Rhyming is okay every once in a while, and there are a few instances here where you made it work, but it sounded much too forced most of the time, and didn't help the flow of the poem. Not to say the subject or anything was bad-it was good and classic.
    So, try a poem without rhyming--I can almost garuntee that it will be better. I spelt that word wrong, point made though!
    I'll check out some other of your poems.
    I like your matter-of-fact way of writing!

  • 15 years ago

    by Emma B

    This is really good, i can totally feel your confusion and frustration.

    guys suck :P

  • 15 years ago

    by Crystal

    Love the strength or your words. And the truth behind them.

  • 15 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Nice poem, I like it because in today world love and honesty are just words and not actually put into action. I think that word choice always make a better poem and it helps a poem capture the reader, so maybe some of the word choices was off key a bit for me, but again nice poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sumit Ojha

    Very toching. (5/5)

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Are anyones feelings true anymore?
    "anyones" should be "anyone's"

    Stop. I don't like the look of this. Lets try "take two."
    "Lets" should be "Let's"

    Cause, I'm warning you boy, this is your final move.
    ^^ I liked this line, but maybe you could try saying, "But" Instead of "Cause", it makes more sense with the previous line. (Just an opinion though)
    Well, very good job, other then those few things it was very well done, i loved the idea of it.
    *Chaotic Angel*

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittany C

    "&&"take these out just us the word. The && takes away form the poem a little. The rhyming was ok but could have been better.
    Other then that the poem was good. I gave it a 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by PRiNCESS SKiTTLEZ

    L0VE iT!! =]

  • 15 years ago

    by Loved In Hell

    Its so sad when one member of the relationship does everything to make the other happy and truly loves her/him. While the other just takes the other for granted ....how sad. You prove this point , but I like how you end it with strength. To stand up and tell the other strait in their face and be able to tell them the whole truth takes guts. It hurts to move on from that point but at least there is that satisfaction of standing up for yourself and having inner strength.
    5/5
    laura

  • 15 years ago

    by Day Lee

    I really like it..
    keep it upp<333

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Wow, I loved how you put love into a game, that was brilliant. I really loved the way you used your words to paint a picture of a game. And the ending was so good! 55

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    "Is what you say truly heartfelt or a perfected act?"
    ^ I have myself asking the same question hun...Its so hard to know what you can trust and whats just part of their plan to get you under their spell. That's why sometimes you have to get burned so you learn to be more careful with your heart.

    "You whisper genuine and sweet words
    and it makes me absolutely sick.
    I know you're just going to turn around
    and let your actions contradict."
    ^Actions speak soo much more louder then words. A guy can say "oh hun youre the one, I cant see my life without you" and there will never be anybody else and then they can just go out with their buds and meet a new girl who they spit the same game to. That leaves us asking ourselves is his love truly for real?

    "Tell me, is this your tactic?
    Pursue me in the beginning,
    than draw back and let go.
    One to zero, you're winning."
    ^Oh boy could I relate with that! Its like you took the words right out of my mouth! In the beginning everything is so sweet and perfect then they do a total 180 and have us leaving confused and asking wtf?

    I LOVED the ending hun! You stood your ground and told this guy that youre done putting up with his lame games and you deserve so much better! We all deserve better then a stupid player thinking he can make any girl fall in love with him. You showed through this poem that youre smarted and stronger then that and wont put up with it anymore and if he actually ever cared then this would be a reality check for him and if not then bye bye loser his loss. I adored every line in this poem!

    Well done!
    *5/5* :]

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    This poem isn't as bad as the last one. I guess I'm into the short/medium style poems for certain emotions. Some poems are good long and some aren't. This is a good poem. I'm going to give it a 5/5 because I don't hardly judge on how much I like it but how well it was written. And, I think you did a decent job, it's just not my taste.

    Good imagery, by the way.

  • 12 years ago

    by Matthew Schut

    Wow, I loved it!! Good work!!! :)