Um , the only thing i noticed that was kind of off what the line :
You're making me feel like I don't have a heart .
I don't know .. It just seems kind of , strange ? Maybe replace it with some thing along the lines of "you're breaking my heart" .
Other than that , just the flow being off in a few places , but still 5/5
I've been in this kind of situation before. It's not a very fun one. You love the person so much, yet they're hurting you sad badly. But it's good that you see you can't just stand by and let them hurt you. No matter how much it hurts you have to put yourself first.
I'm done with this argument, I know what I need
I'm not stopping, I will proceed
I'll get what I want, and I'll be out of your way
As time goes on, please remember this day
`` Love the power in this stanza. Great way to end things.
Well done. :]
11 years ago
by Lets Keep it A Surprise
I absolutely loved the message of this poem, because for so long people who are captive do not realize their captive of their own chains, and not of others.
Second, as i read the poem and reached the last stanza, it feels unfinished. I wonder if you feel the same way too, or maybe because i'm finding my own story in your poem.
The flow was very precise, and the words used were simple but struck to the heart.