No title...

by MaCxOwNzxAyZaH   Nov 7, 2008


There were times that i want to let you go
and asked myself should i start to move on?
but you hold me tight and just whispered no
and said our life is one and we must go on

you were there for me in times of sadness
and never leave me... always see my worth
you often hug me and tell me i was the best
you always keep me safe whenever i get hurt

i have loved you for what and who you are
its you that i want to spend forever with
i never thought we would have come this far
words in my heart that only you can read...

how wonderful life is when im with you
its like living in a real fairytale
a world we created just for me and you
im guilty of your love, a love that has no bail...

if i ask your forever would you give it to me?
And spend all the rest of your life by my side
theres nowhere else that i would ever want to be
without you here with me i would die...

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  • 15 years ago

    by isabel

    I really liked this poem... It's really sweet...
    yet i wanted to give a couple suggestions on the grammar, because sometimes felt a little odd...

    1st stanza:

    "There were times that i want to let you go
    and asked myself should i start to move on?
    but you hold me tight and just whispered no
    and said our life is one and we must go on"

    i would suggest like this:

    There were times [when] i want[ed] to let you go
    and asked myself [if i] should start to move on?
    but you [held] me tight and just whispered: "no"
    and said: "our life is one and we must go on"

    2nd stanza:

    "you were there for me in times of sadness
    and never leave me... always see my worth
    you often hug me and tell me i was the best
    you always keep me safe whenever i get hurt"

    i'd suggest the following:

    you were there for me in times of sadness
    and never [left] me... always see[n] my worth
    you often [hugged] me and [told] me i was the best
    you always [kept] me safe whenever i [got] hurt

    - if you have some verbs in the past tense, you should have all of them... if you like it better in the present tense, then you should change "were" and "was" to "are" and "am"

    in the last stanza i am confused about the "forever" part... you say "can i ask your forever"... yet forever is not related to things, yet to time...
    it makes more sense to me "if i asked you, would you stay forever with me" or "if i asked you your heart forever" or something related...

    *keep going*
    5/5
    isabel

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